Some simply look hot with hickies on their neck and chest

Can't stop

thinking of you..

You make my life seem worthwhile just by witnessing yours:

(I removed the photos, k.. Just because I love you sooo much)

Anyway, to a good friend (know who you are)...

I'm writing this on my blog cos I know you're an avid reader(chey) and sometimes, some people listen to blogs more than the words spoken.. You'll probably won't listen to what I say of what I see in you, but I hope these words you can digest and read and run repeatedly in your head..

Firstly, jealousy takes you nowhere but misery, dear friend.. You've been with him for what, 3 years now? And you're willing to let it all go just because you THINK he's still in love with her..

Think about it.. I've never seen you try to assure yourself sooo much that your decision is right.. You keep telling yourself that, and lie to yourself.. Sometimes I wonder, you rather lie to yourself than have him trying to prove himself right?

If all you told me is truth, then I really think your agony and self- denial is worthless.. All I see is jealousy and bitterness in you and as a friend, I think it's my very duty to tell you this..

I'm not siding him or anything(tho he's still a friend), but seriously, even you had ex- es before.. Don't tell me that all you've broken up with only left behind awful memories.. I'm sure sometimes, you'd wish you could turn back time, to have that wonderful moment with your ex even when you were with him right now..

Good times are good times and they're hard to let go.. So let them be.. They're probably the only things that you can hold to in this vengeful world, to keep your sanity..

I can safely say that I thoroughly enjoyed my past relationships and sometimes these memories replay in my head and evoke that sense of longing.. But that doesn't mean I want to leave my current sweetheart, right? I won't pick up the phone, ask for a break up and start begging my ex-es to love me again, right?

Those memories, no matter how wonderful they were, are no longer relevant.. What's important is now, and what you make of it.. If you choose to leave him all because you're afraid of getting hurt and assume he'll leave you for his ex, then you're meant to be single.. Stop dating others, and stop giving them hope for love because you yourself are not game enough for it..

In fact, it goes to show that you never loved him in the first place, because I'm sure you made this decision thinking "If I were in his place, I would go back to my ex because I still love him".. If that's your justification for leaving him, maybe you should question if YOU still love another..

All I'm saying is, I just want to see you happy and not kill yourself over jealousy.. If he could look beyond your past lovers, why not you?

I hope you won't regret your decision, dear friend because I love you too much to see you like this..

You wish...

I realise I havn't been updating quite normally these days.. I blame it on stress that has got my mind everywhere and cause irrational thought and behaviour.. Oya, and having Hanafe in my mind 24/7 might also be the cause.. Heh..

I'm starting to feel sooo guilty towards my family and God.. The more I try to change, the more hmmm.. I have nothing to say anymore.. I just wish...........

Anyway, today, I decided to update like how I used to.. About all the little things that don't matter..

Today was the last class I'm ever gonna have with KC Yeoh.. Frankly, I really really like him.. I think he's a practical, sensible and humourous communicator ever, no matter how my class disregards him sometimes and how insignificant he physically is..

All I can say is, KC, I'm gonna miss your classes.. I'm beyond honoured to ever be taught by you and I just love your classes and regret now that I never made full use of my time while I still had you as a tutor.. I just wish..............hmm.......

Now thinking about it, all the ang moh teachers that I had, my class sorta "loved" more.. Like Hannes, Meridel, Ken.. Seriously, I see nothing interesting about them.. As compared to Peter and KC, they just seem more quirky and maybe more confident, and sometimes arrogant.. Peter and KC are more humble and down to earth.. People that I can look them in the eye and can tell that they are serious about my well being and growth as a designer, rather than just about grades and attendance..

For them, I'm proud to be Asian..

And just now, Aida told me a guy from school saw me and wanted to get to know me.. She told me he said that I am such an "exquisite beauty".. hahahahaha.. The freaks I attract... Who the hell use that sort of expression these days? Though I do wish I knew who he is...

I have no more to say.. I promise myself I will spend time with my family this week despite all of the stress of school.. So Hanafe, please understand.. I love you, but I love them too...

Sometimes, I wish there were 2 of me and both are equally updated mentally but at the same time, physically apart.. Different places at the same time.. One has hickies and the other don't.. One at my mom's shop and playing with Adreena and go to work on weekends, and the other doing school work and playing with Hanafe and go out with my friends.. It's so hard having just one body.. Sometimes, it really feels like as though I'm tearing myself apart.. Least I wish I could.. I wish.........................

Hmmmmm..................

Scientists, you guys gotta do something different about cloning.. I need help...

BOO!

There are some people you can't help but think about and smile to yourself...

(Hope you're not mad I stole this photo and added your "tickle- me" line.. I think it's damn funny laa...)

Mad rush

Projects upon projects... So since i keep on forgetting what they are and like to procrastinate and blog, might as well I remind myself here:

Yati, YOU MUST DO YOUR WORK!!!

And in case I forget them again, here's what to do:

1) Art history essay outline
2) 2D workbook
3) Foundation drawing sketches and CD portfolio
4) 4D systems project
5) 3D ball bearing free fall
6) Imagining Singapore revision and readings
7) Printing of Art History pieces

OK, now kill yourself...

I love youtube..

Now it's break from the Imagining Singapore nonsense I'm taking.. Been browsing thru youtube.. A song that describes you:

Save Room
by John Legend

The second video is the acoustic version.. Frankly, I prefer that one, but image of those boys has got to go, despite how brilliantly talented they are.. It's quite disappointing that John Legend creates such classy blues, but act like a pimp in his music videos.. Oya, he's black.. No wonder.. Hahah.. Enjoy..

(P.S. To dummies of Youtube: click on the play icon on the centre TWICE, click on pause to let it load, then watch!)






Say that you'll stay a little
Dont say bye-bye tonight
Say you'll be mine
Just a little bit of love
Is worth a moment of your time.
Knockin' on your door just a little
It's so cold outside tonight
Let's get a fire burning
Oh I know I'll keep it burning bright
If your stay, wont you save, save

Save room for my love
Save room for a moment to be with me
Save room for my love
Save a little, save a little for me
Won't you save a little
Save a little for me

This just might hurt a little
Love hurts sometimes when you do it right
Dont be afraid of a little bit of pain
Pleasure is on the other side.
Let down your guard just a little
I'll keep you safe in these arms of mine
Hold on to me pretty baby
You will see I can be all you need if you stay
Won't you save, save

Oh c'mon, make time to live a little
Don't let this moment slip by tonight
You'll never know what you're missing
'Till you try, ill keep you satisfied if you stay
Won't you save, save

And sweetheart, I love you..

What the hell

is wrong with me??

God knows I feel guilty right now.. I just left Hanafe at Billy Bombers at an argument, make him pay 50 bucks and still left hungry, didn't even finish my own Sophia, made him follow me all the way to NTU (I don't even know why he did that for), then made him go all the way back to Changi and finally ask for a break up..

I know I didn't exactly made him do all that, but what's a guy to do, right? But now, I'm quite angry at the fact he did that.. It's stupid 'cos he didn't have to and now I'm worried that he's hungry and still have work early tomorrow..

I'm such a spoiler.. I hate myself.. I think I'm stupid, immature and there's no reason why Hanafe has to go through all this.. I just finally came to realise right now that, all I want is..

to be alone..

I'm so tired of trying to put up a struggle so that everything works.. I just want to be left alone.. I want my family and Hanafe to hate me.. It makes things alot easier so that when I leave, there's not much to worry after because... they hate me anyway.. It's easier to cope with the lonesome than all this hoo haa..

Seriously, what the hell is wrong with me??

Anyway, to Pak, thanks for the text.. It meant ALOT to me to know that people like you who I least expect to care, took the effort to write 3 pages of sms and send it to me.. knowing that even though it won't help the situation, it means alot..

Same goes to Ain too..

When we talked just now I know you already know this.. When you got pissed at me at Billy Bombers and forced me to cope with the situation, I in turn, did an irrational run and forced you to cope with my unreasonable behaviour.. It's not fair, but this is the reality.. Imagine.. You have to face that for the rest of your life, just because you want to love me.. Do you really WANT that? Do you really think it's worth your concern? Do you really think that is happiness? Me torturing you is happiness?

I really don't know what else to say.. I just hope you are not banking on me just because I was there.. That I was just convenient, not because you really love me..

Now my roommate must be thinking I'm some depressed child who goes to bed crying every night, obsessively crazy over school projects and waking up with puffy eyes from crying and lack of sleep.. Plus, I come back to the room, fight with my sweetheart and look suicidal.. The image of a messed up artist.. How typical..

Talking about messed up.. People at my store has been talking about an ex- partner Lili, who just broke up her 3 year long relationship with Nabil, to end up dating HIS BEST FRIEND, Ricoh and posting naked pictures of herself on friendster.. To think she was my learning coach! I thought she was hot laa, but now I think she's crazy..

Just tried to add her so that I can see the photos too! Heeee..

Ok, I need to do work now and rot among my projects..

Hanafe, I'm so sorry sweetheart..