I hate myself..

NOT!

hahaha.. Ok, actually I hate the fact that I only blog just because I feel horrible and I need to let off steam..

So, yes, the long absense really equates to happiness.. And I'm just too drowned in it to document what happen and update or upload photos, which I shall promise myself that I will put up..

Anyway, in many ways, I think sadness brings about realisation, and realisation makes us think, makes us change.. Therefore, sadness is actually very good for us..

Why am I writing like this?

Because I have NOT been thinking, and thus NOT changing.. I have many many things to do while still in holiday but hell I'm lazy.. I shall make a check list so that when I read it again and REALISE I achieve to do NONE of them, I start thinking and changing:

1) Clean and paint my room
2) Paint Hanafe's and my canvas shoes
3) Read up on my next semester's modules
4) SAVE MONEY
5) Clear up last year's school stuff
6) HELP MY MOM AT HER SHOP
7) Pay back the puasa I owed last year
8) Ensure a new, better paying job
9) Practise shooting
10) Lose weight
11) Potty train Adreena

Damn that's alot.. Now I'm worried shit..

And talking about depression, Yayah's constant complaining about her boy troubles sparked many other unintentional coincidences: People of my past reappearing in text messages and my thoughts..

This is specially for Yayah.. If there's anything anyone in love should know, love never really ends.. No matter how much you fought with your ex or even got a divorce, somewhere in your heart you already carved their names.. You'll never forget them and sometimes, you wish that you could be with them again and forget anything bad ever happened, EVEN when you already found a new love.. This is because everyone is different, and every different love feels different.. Even if you try to regain the love by bringing your new love to the places you went with your ex and do the same things, the experience will differ and sometimes, may even get worse for it haunts you.. Know that love hurts and it will never end, but it fades.. So give yourself some time and space..

Pak gave me a very very good advice which I will take to my grave:

What if(s), is most often, a bitch.

So Yayah, do not live in your past and look ahead.. It may seem depressing that you felt as though to gave in alot to him and that you guys are a perfect fit but IF and only IF you are the only girl he's seeing at the moment...

Seriously, guys, the "timer" label is sooo passe, that girls like me don't give two hoots if you're a bloody Casanova with a 9- inch dick.. Always remember karma.. Two can play your game.. And always remember, you can NEVER be as hot as your girl can to ANOTHER man..

And girls, know that killing yourself for a man is not worth it, unless he's willing to do the same for you.. Stop loathing in self- pity..

I was reading a friend's blog who wrote something worth her shallow self (hehe).. Yayah, I hope this helps:

" Guys, do u realize that the girl who is holding onto u now is PERFECT in her own special way?

The way she laughs..
The way she sleeps..
The way she sulks..
The way she smiles..
The way she cries..
The way she thinks of you..
The way she tries to please you...
The way she sacrifices for you..
The way she wants to understand you..
The way she's lovin you with all her heart!

Always remember that.
She can always get up and walk away,
getting someone else who can love her more.
There might be someone out there..
who is willing to love her more than you are loving her now,
fulfill her every needs
and loves her as much as she loves you.
or maybe loves her more than she loves you..
but definitely lovin her more than u do!

For all you know,
there's already might be someone out there wooing her,
be it from a distance or as a gentleman..
but she is rejecting, coz she believes in perfect love..
for whom she will share her joys n tears together..
for whom she will promise to be faithful..
for whom she will commits herself to you..
To her, you're her perfect love!

Understand that.
Guys, you might be thinking that the love is fading..
you can't find the freshness between the two of you..
everything is stale to you now..
everywhere seems the same to you..
you said "been there done that".
so u went n look for another...
imagine this..
Behind her back,
you're hugging and kissing another girl..
When you see her today,
u do the same..
but you still see love in her eyes..
while others are just some flings.
Do you feel the hurt?
Can you feel the guilt?

for you must know..
every new thing brings an excitement to us..
only to find the boredoom n sick of it after we're being so used together..
She might not be feeling the hurt now,
coz she won't know..
She might be feeling something's not right,
coz she can sense..
but she's still holding on to you,
not becoz she's stupid,
not becoz she's dumb,
not becoz she's a fool..
but bcoz..
she believes u will not break her full-hearted heart..
she believes u will not let her tears flow..
she believes u will keep your promises..
she believes this is love!
She loves you not because you are pleasant looking, sweet talker, or that you have 5cs..
She loves you for who you are.
Your every touch,
every word you say,
everything you do.

She was born here imperfect..everyone was!
Only what she wants from u is almost perfect!
and she knows she can't do it alone...
it needs two hands to clap...

Guys,
For her,
being the upmost girlfriend is to endure your every moves,
your every moodswings,
your every words..
and actions.
Even dealing with the most unbearable pain
she will bear it for your sake..
but once she knows that the time is up,
she will leave you..
with the most unforgettable painful memories
u both had,
from the sweetest to the very last moment she had to leave,
bcoz of ur doings..

Guys,
Cherish and appreciate your girl.
Don't break her fragile heart.
She is the only one who can love you this way.
You won't wanna regret letting go of that special girl you have.
For everything she has done for you,
the least you can do is to give her unconditional love
as she has given to you..
coz u should know,
her love and sacrifice doesn't mean forever,
when she finally realised..
you are not worth her love,
she will leave u for the one who well-deserved her love..
Guys,
dun ever leave the one u love,
for the one u like..
coz one day..
the one u like will leave u,
for the one they love..."

Just an advice you already know: Becareful with this Hakim.