Last clubbing outing before puasa..

It's about 3a.m. in the morning now and I just got back home.. I have not bathed or even wash my feet and decided to blog.. 'Cos Firman has been walking 'round my head all night while I was out.. This is where I've been tonight:


Typewriter

I went to Home near Clarke Quay and then hopped to DXO at the Esplanade.. With my classmates from ADM..

Actually, we went to Home to see Hanjie's sis' band perform.. There was a gig.. And she was a drummer.. And there was this Malaysian band that I fell in love with 'cos they were so geeky and played music inline with the Beach Boys.. And the band in the pic is Typewriter.. It was waaaay kewl.. And the lead solo was amazing.. I mean POW! amazing..

And of course I'm waiting for better photos to be sent to me.. Taken by Aida and Jie Jie's sis.. And will post it up here..

And then to DXO to dance.. Of course, the rest drank their hearts out, save Aida and me.. 'Cos we will fast.. 'Tho I can't, 'cos I'm having my period now..

Two freaky encounters tonight:

1) The cab driver who drove me from Tampines to Clarke Quay:

After talking sooo much during the ride, he told me to save his number in my phone... So I did.. Know what he said?

"I'll be driving til about 5 or 6.. Say if you want to go home and have no money, call me, I'll give you a free ride."

And then he offered to shake hands with me as a gesture of being officially friends. Then, he pulled my hand and kissed it!!!


2) The mat at DXO:

I had to pass a table- full of mats there 'cos it was situated right at the entrance.. So if I wanted to get to the lockers or outside, I have to pass by it.. And everytime I did, I felt a hand brushing through my top, around the tummy area..

1st time, it was a brush. I dare not look back to see whose hands.
2nd time, it was a stroke. And all of them looked and smiled at me.
3rd time, it was a grab. And only one guy winked at me.

And when my friends gather to chat and drink, he'll start looking at me, up and down, and talking to his friends.. And all of them will look, up and down..

Funny thing, the whole time I was there, he didn't come over to talk to me.. That truly freaked me out.. Like he's somehow getting off right there by touching me here and there..

Ok.. I'm getting sleepy... I should stop thinking of Firman and go to bed.. Nite!

Or perhaps morning!

The beginning of the end..

My granduncle died this morning.. At about 2 a.m.

So I would like to wish all the best to him on the other side.. May Allah forgive him and give him an easy path to heaven..

His funeral was most solemn and there was even a poem recited by his son... The poem was written by his other son, currently in Australia who appointed his brother to read it out before he was to be carried out of the house.. Even tho' I was not close to him, I was at a corner of the room, praying along with others, not realising the tears falling.. It was until it dripped onto my hands did I realise.. And so I thought, 'How odd'...

I could no longer feel the heat of my tears anymore..

And I think it was because I was crying myself to sleep last nite.. Let's make it official: It's over with Firman.. I no longer wish to go out with him.. And I think he's completely wasting his time with me, because there's some other girl out there who could love him better..

I would be lying if I said that I do not actually wish for this to end, that I did not anticipate it..

In fact, I want it.. I caused it.. I want it to stop.. But I didn't want him to hurt.. For I will be hurting myself.. Which I already did.. Which caused my eyes to puff this morning.. This is probably the only right thing to do.. Or probably my mistake repeated for the 1000th time..

I can't do anything but move on for now, because life still does..

Maybe I kinda enjoy the sweetness.. The sweet sorrow of farewell.. The love and care that I realised I betrayed.. I really don't know..

And so I have put up some photos from my 3D class, my foundation drawing class, my starbux partners, and something my sis made for me..

Enjoy.. (Sorry for the low- quality shots, taken by my VGA phone camera)



My wire structures



This is made from a single sheet of A4 sized paper..



So is this..



This is made from 2 sheets of paper..



And this is made from 3 sheets..



My quick sketching, done with charcoal.. This was done in about 5 minutes..



This is done by a genius.. This is wad I aim to achieve one day..



My contour drawing..



This is done by another class..



My classroom's full of skeletons and easels..



This is my class having lunch at North spine, 'cos the canteen's too full.. (Me in red top and black pants) Yes, I'm always one of the 'most dressed' in class.. hahaha..



Starbux Mooncake Party at tampines mall.. left to right: Lisa, Naz, Me and Faizah..



The other face- painted one is Han.. a.k.a. Hana Maria..



Lisa and a very good dancer at MOS at the whosgoing event that all of us went to..



My younger sis, Naq, made for me this.. at www.sp-studio.de... hahaha..



Think she was inspired by this! hahahaha

Head VS Heart

Yeah.. I realised there were problems uploading the photos from Samz's B'day.. There were even stupid captions like 'Howdy!' or 'Awesome!'.. So I decided to delete all of em except for the one that Mike commented on.. and will upload them with Ain's B'day when I have the time.. Again, real sorry to Samz..

Wow.. Seems like it's been forever since I last posted.. Well, it has been BUSY..

And apparently, my photos from 3D class didn't appear.. Like wth??

Oya.. and I've been hanging out quite alot with my Starbux partners lately.. Once to MOS and the other at Tampines Mall Mooncake Party.. Fun people = Great time..

First, I wanna complain.. So if you dun wanna hear it, go away aite..

1) There's too many projects. I hate to hate this new cool course, but yeah, I have 2 assignments for 2D class, one for 3D, at least 50 quick sketchings for Foundation Drawing, a report for 4D and last but no least, an essay for Literature..

2) Guess when they will be due on? Right after my one week break starting this Mon..

3) Puasa is coming and I just got my period yesterday. Perfect?!

4) I'm heartbroken. Again. So yeah, been binging on chocolates lately.. hmmm...

And I just reactivated my Friendster account.. Apparently, I've been a member since Nov 2004, but have 0 friends.. haha..

Actually, all I wanted to see was Wanie (Yusri's ex) profile on friendster, 'cos I wanted to see her photos.. And that sweeet lil' thing put up a photo of mine as well.. And of course, yusri's as well, 'cos that boy broke her heart because he was out with another.. And it was me.. Hahaha, I know.. like HUH?? And when I mean by out, it was not serious.. Not even a confirmed relationship yet.. It's just amazing that Wanie and I got along quite well.. Nonetheless, Yusri, we both did diss, and apparently, MISS... Especially the kissing.. And it's weird how both Wanie and I discussed and agreed to that.. Errr.. It's still weird.. Haha..

Talking about miss, I still miss Ryan.. And I still cry myself to sleep sometimes thinking about him..

I'm now out with Firman.. and to tell you the truth I'm becoming afraid that this relationship might ACTUALLY WORK.. So I'm backing off a lil'.. And stop telling me to 'go for it'.. Cos it's faaar scarier than you think.. And I know Firman is wondering why I'm backing off, but I need time, k.. I need to sit down and think.. and that's only after I get my school work done aite.. Gimme time..

The problem with guys is that, if I really, really, REALLY like them, they have a bad profile.. They're not the type you can bring home and show off to your family and friends because materially, they suck.. They smoke, drink, have a bad sense of fashion, has no academic achievements and are never religious.. My friends and family will sure look down at him and eventually, me.. Because they JUDGE and they THINK there're better guys for me out there..

Define BETTER..

BUT..

These "horrible" guys are fun.. They don't mind hanging out with you anytime anywhere.. They are sporty, musically- inclined and streetsmart.. And not to mention, GOOD with their hands.. They're not shy and are willing to take up anything new..

Basically, they entertain me.. And I love them..

However, when I do meet a guy who which I can bring home, he's boooorrring.. Or too shy.. Or too stingy.. Or simply too paranoid.. Yes, they'll be great responsible husbands who'll give me a great future full of travelling and clothes, but yeah.... I'll get too disgusted to have sex with them or even hold them.. I bet they won't even dance in the rain with me if I wanted them to..

So yeah.. You can conclude I like guys who show a lil' of their dark side.. but just a LITTLE..

And Firman, you are the goodie type.. And that's the reason I'm afraid.. Afraid I won't like you anymore, and eventually, will get disgusted by you.. That's why I'm holding back... So that things could stay this way a lil' longer..

So that I can still enjoy that last drip of bliss with you..

And truth be told.. Remember the last time we met and you said you love me? I sensed it there already.. That it's gonna end..

Please.. not now..

u