Head VS Heart

Yeah.. I realised there were problems uploading the photos from Samz's B'day.. There were even stupid captions like 'Howdy!' or 'Awesome!'.. So I decided to delete all of em except for the one that Mike commented on.. and will upload them with Ain's B'day when I have the time.. Again, real sorry to Samz..

Wow.. Seems like it's been forever since I last posted.. Well, it has been BUSY..

And apparently, my photos from 3D class didn't appear.. Like wth??

Oya.. and I've been hanging out quite alot with my Starbux partners lately.. Once to MOS and the other at Tampines Mall Mooncake Party.. Fun people = Great time..

First, I wanna complain.. So if you dun wanna hear it, go away aite..

1) There's too many projects. I hate to hate this new cool course, but yeah, I have 2 assignments for 2D class, one for 3D, at least 50 quick sketchings for Foundation Drawing, a report for 4D and last but no least, an essay for Literature..

2) Guess when they will be due on? Right after my one week break starting this Mon..

3) Puasa is coming and I just got my period yesterday. Perfect?!

4) I'm heartbroken. Again. So yeah, been binging on chocolates lately.. hmmm...

And I just reactivated my Friendster account.. Apparently, I've been a member since Nov 2004, but have 0 friends.. haha..

Actually, all I wanted to see was Wanie (Yusri's ex) profile on friendster, 'cos I wanted to see her photos.. And that sweeet lil' thing put up a photo of mine as well.. And of course, yusri's as well, 'cos that boy broke her heart because he was out with another.. And it was me.. Hahaha, I know.. like HUH?? And when I mean by out, it was not serious.. Not even a confirmed relationship yet.. It's just amazing that Wanie and I got along quite well.. Nonetheless, Yusri, we both did diss, and apparently, MISS... Especially the kissing.. And it's weird how both Wanie and I discussed and agreed to that.. Errr.. It's still weird.. Haha..

Talking about miss, I still miss Ryan.. And I still cry myself to sleep sometimes thinking about him..

I'm now out with Firman.. and to tell you the truth I'm becoming afraid that this relationship might ACTUALLY WORK.. So I'm backing off a lil'.. And stop telling me to 'go for it'.. Cos it's faaar scarier than you think.. And I know Firman is wondering why I'm backing off, but I need time, k.. I need to sit down and think.. and that's only after I get my school work done aite.. Gimme time..

The problem with guys is that, if I really, really, REALLY like them, they have a bad profile.. They're not the type you can bring home and show off to your family and friends because materially, they suck.. They smoke, drink, have a bad sense of fashion, has no academic achievements and are never religious.. My friends and family will sure look down at him and eventually, me.. Because they JUDGE and they THINK there're better guys for me out there..

Define BETTER..

BUT..

These "horrible" guys are fun.. They don't mind hanging out with you anytime anywhere.. They are sporty, musically- inclined and streetsmart.. And not to mention, GOOD with their hands.. They're not shy and are willing to take up anything new..

Basically, they entertain me.. And I love them..

However, when I do meet a guy who which I can bring home, he's boooorrring.. Or too shy.. Or too stingy.. Or simply too paranoid.. Yes, they'll be great responsible husbands who'll give me a great future full of travelling and clothes, but yeah.... I'll get too disgusted to have sex with them or even hold them.. I bet they won't even dance in the rain with me if I wanted them to..

So yeah.. You can conclude I like guys who show a lil' of their dark side.. but just a LITTLE..

And Firman, you are the goodie type.. And that's the reason I'm afraid.. Afraid I won't like you anymore, and eventually, will get disgusted by you.. That's why I'm holding back... So that things could stay this way a lil' longer..

So that I can still enjoy that last drip of bliss with you..

And truth be told.. Remember the last time we met and you said you love me? I sensed it there already.. That it's gonna end..

Please.. not now..