Uncertainties all over again..

It finally dawned on me..

The whole course.. The whole rush... The stress..

It's so different from computer engin.. I mean, my whole year in computer engin, I never felt it: the need to achieve... To get A's.. All I felt was numb and the dreadfulness of just scraping thru.. It's been a long long long time since I felt that.. Think the last was in Cedar at my O's..

So I figured something: The imbalance of science and arts influence kills me..

Now, in ADM, I feel the balance again.. It is an arts course, but in many ways, the arts embrace science more than engineering and uses it as its purpose: To make the world a better place.. Come to think about it, designing is ALL about engineering, all about innovation and creation.. Math is its basic tool.. When it comes to proportion, colour and size, designing basically has nothing to do with what it's usually associated with: idle and emotions.. It is extremely precise and accurate..

But one thing I hate about the school is how it was promoted..

The catch line: Art cannot be engineered.. I find that untrue, and in many ways, offensive..

And I did alot alot of thinking and re-evaluating.. About life, my future, what I've become, what I've achived so far.. And it's scary..

I'm 20..

1) I have not completely achieve financial independence.
2) I am not secured a job in my future.
3) I am not religious and have not prepared for my after- life.
4) I am not physically attractive: face or body.
5) I'm still schooling and have 4 years ahead.
6) My parents are 48 years old.
7) My siblings are young.
8) I have no plans to settle down whatsoever.
9) Presently, I feel no attraction to the opposite gender.
10) I have no particular talent whatsoever.

And I shall stop there..

I mean, I look at other people on TV, and they're god damn 17 and earning milions.. I would like to blame the ministry of education for making me what I am: a mediocre jack- of- all- trades- wannabe.. But I HAD a choice.. As a child I should have chosen.. Even though I was young I knew I was musically and artistically inclined, but yet, I let it be: Join the bandwagon and get through local education, get good grades, get jaded and finally, experiment and get impulsive at the wrong-est of times..

Too late to regret I guess.. And who knows? If I did otherwise, I'd probably end up a miserable, untalented busker..

Think I shall stop here.. 'Cos I dont want to continue about what I'm really thinking about now: school.. I'm becoming the usual geek in NTU.. Uni students are so god damn lifeless.. Ugly bitches, going on and on about school, books, assignments, exams and grades.. What have we become??? AAaaaarrrgghhh..

Lastly, on a happier note, to all Lonerz: Happy Lonerz Day!! Can't wait for tmr..