Sweet sweet sorrow

Yes, another sleepless nite..

Affair with the wedding guy, a.k.a. Yusri, is over.. It ended as fast as it came but the effect is almost tsunami- like.. Just a few seconds of rumble and death toll soars to 300 000..

We would make the most star- crossed lovers ever.. But now that he's gone, I realised that I really truly fell in love with him.. Even though it was just a one month affair, but it was intense and exciting.. Yusri has coloured my life like no other and egotistic me painted black all over it..

In every way, he is the most undesirable date I had:

1) He doesn't talk
2) He loves his bike like a wife
3) He is physically- unattractive
4) He is scrawny
5) He rarely eats
6) He rarely sleeps
7) He's a lil' clingy (manja)
8) He works 24/7
9) He has a criminal record
10) He drinks
11) He doesn't pray or puasa or whatever to do with God
12) He smokes
13) He has an 80's- rocker fashion sense

But at the same time, his woman is the luckiest bitch in the world:

1) He'll pay for EVERYTHING- food, shopping, movies, etc.
2) He'll send you back, even if its from one end to the other end of the island (NTU to Changi!)
3) He's loyal and calls and messages you all the time
4) He's sporty
5) He's passionate
6) He's apologetic
7) He's gentle, polite, open- minded and considerate
9) He's musically- inclined
10) He sings to his woman
11) He loves the beach
12) He's not hairy
13) He saves for his future and is independent in every way

Despite the rushed relationship, I felt he gave me so much space and time because he was straightforward and open- minded.. He told me he wanted to get married (with me at 25), and he's not afraid to tell me that..

And if you guys know, I run away at the hint of 'commitment'.. Cos I'm just too afraid, and simply, a bitch..

Sometimes, I felt he was giving me all his heart and all I did was squeeze it.. He spent his free time with me (including lunch break from work), kissed me passionately, held my hand and repeatedly stroked it.. He showed me so much physical and emotional affection, that I felt he deserved much better.. That I was playing with his heart.. That he should be with another who is as loving as him..

That we weren't meant to be..

And so, to Ahmad Yusri, I'm so sorry for being such a jerk, a bitch and trouble for you.. Know that your efforts moved me in every way, every nerve in my body.. Your company has been my best friend, most intense in all its silent smiles and glances.. So sorry for wasting your time.. I am just not your type who'll stay loyal and commited.. I hope you'll find another who is more worthy one day..

So so very sorry.. I loveD you.. Even though we were not officially together, you know it was mutual.. I just felt I should stop it from further damage because I don't want you to get too involved and even much more hurt when you see the real ugly Yati.. So throw away my picture and fill your wallet with other 'love'..

To all my fellow female friends, I hope this kind of heartbreak will never come to you.. Never be afraid of commitments.. Never judge a book by its cover.. Love when you can.. And speak while you have the chance.. Carpe Diem..