Beyond...

Satisfied...

Just ended my 4D class watching The Piano.. Great great movie..

First thing, I will try to upload the photos again(for the 10th time!) and I know that you guys must be wondering how come I got so much time to update my blog everyday.. All I can say is, living in NTU can be quite tiring at times.. And if you know, all I've been doing other than school work is sleep.. So updating my blog kinda gives me an alternate option to let off steam..

Hehee.. Anyway, today I want to write a letter to a special someone who I've been putting on hold for so long..


Dear SOMEBODY,

I really want to thank you.. I guess saying it in person is never enough.. The dinner, your hospitality and even the service was BEYOND expectation.. FOUR of IT really put me into deep slumber despite all the questions you left in my head, still unanswered..

From now on, since you have given me so much (and I, on the other hand, taken so much of your effort, time and money), I want you to know that I'll try my best to give whatever you want (as long as it's not my life).. I want you to stop spoon- feeding me so much and take what you deserve.. I have not been fair to you and have been taking you for granted..

You should know by now that I left alot of things unsaid.. Know that in all my deep thoughts, probably 70% is of you and WHAT WE ARE.. I just don't want to regret saying them because right now, everything is just plain nice and simple.. And I like it like this..

And I lied... I actually KNOW what we are.. I just can't figure out why you want me.. I mean, I'm not merely even the sweet girlfriend material, nor am I the hot girl every wants to know.. I do not have any natural talent in any field and I'm not that nice, accomodative, attractive and faithful either..

I just don't want you to regret being so certain about me.. That is why I'm leaving things quite hanging right now.. It'll be easier for you to turn back if we're not so certain, you see? If one day you see the ugliness in me and decide that there's a better person for you (which I predict you'll soon realise), we won't have to deal with so much pain later.. I'm just afraid that when that day comes, I'll hurt you..

In many ways, people usually trust me not to hurt them more than I trust myself..

From now on, if you're not happy with me or what I'm doing, I want you to tell me and demand for what you want.. I do realise that I can be extremely greedy and BEYOND selfish that I do not realise I'm hurting you.. And you'll be left once again hurt, because you are just such a...

Sweetheart..

Hmm.. So yeah.. I've finally come up with a term that represent what you mean to me.. You been waiting for an answer rite? So there it is..

You are my sweetheart..

There are so many things in my head right now I don't know where to continue.. I know this letter is long enough, so bear with me..

Oya.. I'll try to change for you alright.. Maybe do some jogging or something to slim down.. I doubt I can ever be as fit or as physically attractive as your ex, but I'll try.. If I'm doing something wrong that she used to do very right, do tell.. It helps alot..

I just want to be "up to standard"..

And yeah.. Honestly.. Whatever I can't say now, be assured I'll tell you later when I feel comfortable enough.. But I guess you're smart enough to understand and figure me out..

For now, I want to end this letter because I know I'm probably already losing your attention..

Love,

Yati