To you?

ok... I have a feeling that this is gonna be long... Bear with me, people, cos I'll be inching it out..

Doc, I know you'll love this... Something to share with the class (finally!)... Since you are the one so pushy on this visit, just shut up and listen..

Yesterday I went to visit Said after my graveyard shift.. Work was exhausting as M2 was busy.. EVERYTHING needs topping up, prep work was forever and bussing never ends... Dead as a dog.. Sam didn't even get any quality time to eat..

So I reached home at 9a.m. and the next thing you know, it was already noon when Mirza gave me a wake up call... Showered, watched TV and went to meet them...

The journey to Said's grandmama's place was a blur and long, i think... Somewhere in Kallang.. Suddenly Sophan and Hafiz and Fark were there... Remembered alot of talking and talking and talking and people were EVERYWHERE.. You know, those days when you have a headache and just feel like yeah-ing to everyone?

"Is that Said?" I thought to meself..

Interesting visit it was... You were right doc, I did miss him... And I needed yesterday so bad..

Oya, did I mention Salleha can't make it?

Anyway, observing the whole situation yesterday reminds me of Fir when Cik Ani was so positive despite all the load...

The difference was that Fir got smashed in the face and just needed plastic surgery and broke his leg in 3 but Said got smashed in the head, which is almost irreversible, incurable... So Fir looked more damaged but was fully verbally funtional while Said looked fine but was quite immobile... I didn't show much grief tho'.. And nobody seems to know whether his education is wasted or just cannot be expressed... But I think Said's recovery is quite fast, considering it's been 4 months and he's able to sit on a wheel chair.. I remembered Fir being sponge- bathed at 6 months in bed...

Said's left side seems dead but his right seems ok.. His right hand is tied down to the chair to prevent him from scratching his itchy, healing dent on the right side of his head... His mom said he'll scratch and bleed all over his pillow... He was drooling and wasnt able to control his lips, like when dentists numb your gums to extract teeth.. Yeah, same situation, I guess.. He needs an adult diaper and is fed thru a tube running to his insides..

Some moments he'll smile or stare at people... He's able to write some... Don't think he remembered me.. He just stared hard and didn't respond much... And when I gave the card he did the same thing...

And he's soooooooo skinny... Think he's about 30kg? Maybe 25 even, compared to my 12 yr old healthy brother who's 33kg but shorter... Fark carried him to his bed and I think he's the only one who really knows Said's weight.. Must be disturbed..

I guess Said understood all of us out there... EVERY single thing we said must've meant something or even sparked something... And there came a point when I burst out laughing at Ana..

"Play pepsi-cola (a thumb game) and let him win.. But don't tell him.."

I was laughing not because the comment was ridiculous, but Ana was...

She bimbo- talks all the way.. Somehow, I enjoyed her tho', especially later that night... I dun think she gets some of the stuff she said herself.. I think if Said were to hang out with us that night, he'll make more sense of us than Ana ever will..

I cannot imagine his frustration being stucked in such a physical form.. It's like being dumped into a coffin and buried alive only to peak thru a small hole as the light disappears... Waiting to be saved, waiting for someone to hear, waiting for that delicious worm to crall in... waiting to be freed or be dead while your body drain out slowly... So yeah I guess he'll be waiting for another 6mths? Before his head surgery..

Also managed to observe his mom... Stroking him all the time, kissing him.. Maintaining his goatee, his meal times, changing his diaper and bathing him.. And at the same point, received us with much care, offering drinks and snacks.. Exactly like Cik Ani.. Tho' Cik Ani couldnt get to wheel Fir around to the hospital as the lift at her block don't serve her floor.. I remembered that she carried him like a small baby thru' 3 floors all the time... Said's mom also massages him every now and then.. Talks to him consistently to keep him smiling... Does it so naturally and positively...

Looking at this, I think I'll never make it as a 'mom'... EVER... I can't even take care of myself..

Then after that, all of the 6 of us, went out to eat and hung out at Mc' Cafe... Fark made me realise how much Sun I've been sleeping thru'... And it was a SaturDAY.. People were just everywhere.. I just got really sick from all the hussle and bussle... Made my headache worse...

And apparently, alot of people don't know that pornography and porn- anime is existant here.. Don't worry, I won't put up the sites here... Over here, they are appreciated as 'ART'.. The bullshit of denial.. C'mon guys, it ain't that bad in Singapore... And did you know that the well- celebrated FHM photographer used to work with bottles before the REAL curves?

Ana entertained me.. She's a real dancer and a lousy singer... Funny lil' girl who leaves the cares of life to her future husband.. And yeah, she's alot fairer now... Same small, noisy girl...

Mirza kept on interviewing me about life- love, marriage, weddings and financial plans... Things I dare not share with anyone at the moment and just tried my best to dismiss them with yeah's, hoping no one noticed.. You know, like it's so disappointing to let people know of your plans that NEVER worked out right? So many questions I tried to avoid that night.. Ambitious and detailed, Mirza is...

Sophan seemed happier.. He always had that troubled look at school... But yesterday, it wasn't there.. Must have someone in his life, I guess.. Realised how dark he is...

Fark was the same, but he look as tho' he gained more weight.. Everytime I see him, he's getting rounder and rounder.. Maybe he should give some of it to Said.. He seems to be radiating alot of heat.. Sat in between Ana and him.. He brought the temperature really high, cos I wasnt as cold (physically and emotionally) as I usually would be, hot in fact.. And I'm sure it wasn't Ana...

Hafiz.. The ever quiet one who has a good sense of direction and get the group moving, playing follow the leader... I want to warn him against going to Common Engin, but I guess, different people have different views... and I don't want to give the wrong information and impression.. Cute orange phone..

And yeah... EVERYONE got a new phone...

Or maybe I havnt seen them THAT long...

After that, Ana and I (the King) left early, leaving the boys to have their own fun.. Headed to Changi to meet Derek and Nisaa at a BBQ.. Forever eating.. Hung out with them for a couple of hours before being sent back to my ever- missed school...

Yeah, sch reopens tmr... I'm a dead duck who has 2 incomplete assignments and delayed lab work...