A month too short..

Dear darling doc,

Ok.. Just got back.. This weekend I didn't go home, just for an assignment, which I've yet to understand and finish.. I'm about to give up already with this bullshit.. God knows how much I miss my family..

Today, I didn't progress much for the assignment or preparation for the exams.. Around 5, I went out (to meet you, of course), withdraw money and buy dinner.. Anyway, Doc, I just received your Raya card.. Very sweet of you.. How very traditional.. Cards has certainly become a classic these days.. Havn't read it tho'.. My dad saw it in the mailbox and called me up just now..

This Ramadhan felt the shortest for me.. I havn't wasted a fasting day to mensus or sickness or whatever, but it felt really short.. Guess I didn't lose weight at all.. The detoxing month is gonna be over soon and I'm actually gaining weight.. Salleha showed amazement at my appetite because I'll always eat THROUGHOUT the night.. Soups, pastries, chocolates, mashed potatoes, etc...

And yeah, this year Ramadhan felt most unreligious for me.. I didn't do much Qur'an and not a single terawih.. I hear azan from the radio rather than a mosque.. And people around me just can't or don't fast.. Too many times I went to work and be the only one fasting.. All other girls seems to get their period on a 28- day basis, alot of my guy friends has suddenly decided not to fast this year and many just decided not to be muslims this year by getting tattooed or continuously drinking.. God, please, shake my faith not..

I may have alot of these friends, but trust me, other than not being faithful muslims, they are actually good, fun- loving people.. I have no right to judge otherwise..

Temptations, temptations, temptations.. Yeah.. Yati, with herself, at war..

Again, I must thank Salleha for spending most of her time with me.. Otherwise I'll be spending time with the wrong people, at the wrong time.. Even just now without her, I did..

After buka- ing, around 9pm, I decided to jog (??? first time this month!)... Got back to the room, bathed and then Sheila called.. She said she wanted to show me something.. I agreed, cos I was tired from studying and jogging.. So I waited for her to come to NTU 'cos it was late and unlike her, I don't ride a bike..

History: Sheila was one of the volunteer models I worked with for photography.. We became good friends because she said she has never met anyone with so much integrity as me- I gave her all the 5 rolls of film I took of her naked, so that she won't accuse me of ever abusing her.. We went to Thailand together to develop the photos, where I introduced her to a Thai friend of mine, Jut.. Jut owns a tattoo parlour and does piercings as well.. They hit it off and I went back to Singapore without her..

She came, waking up all my neighbours, ran into my room, slammed the door and suddenly, took off her tight mini tee!

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!!"

"What you think?"

I just stared at what is most obvious there: Her nipple piercings...

She's one of those women blessed with huge mamas and cursed with fair blotchy skin, but not as bad as mine tho'.. Shooting her was fun, but hard.. We couldn't do much about her uneven- ness..

Standing there, right in my face, I remembered how huge and erected her nipples were in the cold.. And with the new silver rings there, it made them look even more protruding.. And it didn't help that they looked swollen and red, especially against her fair flesh..

"So? What you think?"

"Woooaahh... (Drooling, almost).... Um.. It's nice, but maybe you wanna back off a bit, before they poke me?? (hehe).."

Tho', I felt my eyes were even more 'pokey' than the pair of big, hard, swollen, pierced nipples..

"You don't like them?"

"Your breasts? I love them!! Haha.. Kidding (not really, I LUURRVE them).. Is it painful?"

I was trying hard to change the subject..

"Yeah, a lil', Jut was very gentle."

"With you? Of course he is! Haha.. You want ice?"

"Nevermind, thanks.. Don't want my tee to get wet later and I think I should get used to have it not numbed all the time."

Weird conversation there.. As much as I'm trying to pull myself out of my previous lesbian lifestyle, these people kept coming back.. AND IT HAS TO BE IN RAMADHAN!! Goodness!!! And remember my post 'I'll never forget'? 'F' has to come back this month as well!!

Why, God, why?

Sheila stayed in my room til almost midnight, talking to me half naked! I asked her if she puasa and she said she always give up half way and eat around 3... Talked to her for a while until I realised that I'm so used to naked women, the appeal is gone.. Women used to be one of God's most beautiful and delicate creatures, and now they are all too... hmm... naked??

That's me pushing myself to wearing the tudong, permanently, that is... Not as and when I 'feel like it', which is the current situation...

And Jut, if you're reading this, Sheila is known to Doc as well.. Even to my parents too.. Don't be mad ya? I won't steal her from you... hehe..

Walked her out and bid her off until the sound of her engines turned to silence.. This Ramadhan has been really hard for me.. And yet, I havn't got enough of it..

I'll be tested even if it's the last day I'll live.. So help me God..