Shleep

Hey babies.. Sorry for the long pause..

I'm really really missing doc.. This feels like shit..

And in case you have not notice, I've been busy.. Very, in fact.. I thought when therapy sessions are up, I'm supposed to be far more free, but hell, it got worse..

I got back to my hall just now and Salleha was on my laptop.. She looked totally pissed off.. I dont know why.. There are days she go pissed but keeps it to herself.. I mean I really don't know what to do.. I think she might be angry with me for talking to people wad it's like living with her.. Just now I was online at home while she was online using my laptop, and suddenly she mentioned she let the cat into our room..

Ok, to me: so??

Then I realised she hate the cat.. So I thought she might be hinting..

I really don't know what to say really, 'cos she never told me if she's pissed... She HINTED.. I hate this.. To me, if you don't like it that I express myself and converse far more freely than you do to everyone else, TELL ME.. Don't try to be cool with it and HINT about..

I don't know whether I myself do that, but I know for sure if I'm pissed, I let it out... I don't care if people are not comfortable with it or that agreeable.. The least, I know where the problem lies, within me or someone else.. Fuck about talking 'beralas'.. I think that's the very problem with the Malay society.. No one ever gets up and tell you off right in the face.. Problems unsolved, but baseless impressions formed.. We need some shaking.. So Salleha, shake me! Let me know!

I feel really quite insulted sometimes.. Espcially that she's my roomate and that I exposed my pure being to her and she, on the other hand, keep to herself.. I mean the very reason we are close it's because we know each other, rite? I feel quite distant now.. Really insulted..

And yeah, for the pass few weeks, I really couldn't my cool.. I exploded quite a few of times..

First, it was the skate outing Lin organised, then it was at dikir prac at school and just now with my parents.. I feel quite out of place now actually.. I rarely ever get mad, but yeah, things have been tough with friends and family and I feel like puking..

Someone was askin me why I never put up or even talk about my trips to Australia and Jakarta..

All I can say is that it's something like talkin about the sex you had last night..

Really, travelling and beach bumming are all that I truly treasure about life.. It's not something to discuss or show, but appreciated... Pure appreciation.. While you can keep precious diamonds in a safe, you can't really blog out true love or passion and keep it in a post or in a picture.. Time is something you can't really keep.. It's something you appreciate..

Those picures will mean nothing.. They are just evidence of that event.. My memory is what matters most.. Yeah, you won't expect a photog- freak- who- wants- to- do- weddings to say that about pictures, but hell, it's true..

So what if you had the BEST PHOTOGRAPHER for your wedding? Do the pictures say anything about your love?? Or even about the effort you took to make it all happen??

They're just pictures.. And these are just words on a blog.. Do you really know me already??

If you don't get what I mean yet, fuck off..