Let the truth be told

Ok, most of you guys here already know I've had quite a vacation... Photos at the end of this post...

Totally screwed:
1) Assignment due on mon (6 march)
2) Lab session need to be made up for
3) A math test this friday
4) An oral test next Wed (think papers)

Past few days, I've been thinking alot about God and generally, Men.. And Fir, I want YOU, in particular to read this, 'cos I can't stop thinking about you in both destinations I went to.. I need you to know, I haven't been a good girl lately, but I won't be sorry, cos I needed to know if you were right.. Just know that in most of my dream- like states, you were there and I thought through what you said, tested it out within my own friends, and realised you were right.. You were right about everything..

Man and the Devil Vs Women and the Devil

Men, will always be in their most desirable situations put by the Devil. Instead of coming by the back door, the Devil will knock on the front and will only enter if let in. Generally, the Devil will be, especially if there's an offer: An irresistable offer whose fine prints are already known to Men and even read out once and again. Even then, the Devil will still give the most rightful, God- given advice. And in all the tests I did personally, I observed that men will generally do the total opposite of that advice. They will deny ever being tempted, justify their doings as a common-sensical reaction, and will blame the Devil (or the situation put in, or the offer made, and mostly, the advice given) despite knowing that CHOICE is the key to Heaven, NOT EGO. A dick is a dick, I must say. He'll be forever in denial and will NEVER blame himself.

Women, on the other hand will always be put in situations they prayed all their life not to be. The Devil enters by her back door, in his true form, and will make an offer too. But this time, it's a job offer and it's at knife's edge. If agreed to, the woman will be happy all her life (in this world) and if not, she'll be skinned, slowly and by parts. She might hate the job, but it's an easy, high- paying job, but most of all, it gives her the very thing she's incapable of: Independence. And even I failed this test. Generally, we women accept the job, and learn to love it. And instead of getting more independent, we become its slave. We'll admit that it's our fault and that we had the choice, but since we made the Devil our very manager, we are indeed very addicted and learned to live with it for the rest of our lives. We are not proud about it, but it keeps food on the table and clothes on our back. Eventually, we'll realise that it's better to be skinned now than be burnt later. And so we quit by running into the knife itself.

See the difference?

Pride is our downfall, but it works in opposite ways for men and women. While men fails by being the very epitome of pride, women fail by not having a sense of it at all. So people, play your cards right.

I know I sound real sick now. And maybe some of you might feel you've been used in my observations, but please, it means nothing. It just shows you are human and that you've been my eye- opener. Don't take it too hard.

So here are the photos.. As usual click on em for a better view..


Presenting... Thai Airways..




All I can say is, SIA is faaaaaar ahead in entertainment..




These engines, are my dad's toys at work..




And believe me, it's no joke when you are responsible for the lives of future passengers..




These are our few national soccer players.. Let's just say, they don't travel like Beckham..




Shop shop shop




Traffic is bad in Bangkok..




So like James Bond, everyone should take the Tuk Tuk for it's amazing ability to get to places in no time..




Baiyoke Sky Hotel Lobby on the 18th floor..




And this, is the view from my room on the 58th floor..




Special effects here, by Gerome, who makes good use of spot metering...




This is the standard room in Baiyoke Sky, complete with a closet behind me, and a bathroom half the size of this room..




Of course, you shouldn't be surprised that there's actually more than 78 floors, it is afterall, the tallest hotel..




And this on the streets are no surprise either..




Fear Factor, eat your heart out! Thai people will win your stupid 50 grand anytime!




Another event: Sufian's 13th B'day..




Which wasn't only thoroughly enjoyed by him alone..




But by many others whose freaky smiles causes a plate shy expression.. Hehehe...

Check this out!

First thing, click on PAUSE for both clips to let em load, then sit back and watch..

compare:



with:



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Now, can you girls stop complaining how beautiful the Pussycat Dolls are???

Happy Valentine's, NOT!

To date, 7 people have mentioned that I gained weight....

Happily blogging rite here, of course, you knew I don't have a date or plans for the day.. Tho' my mom said I received a big package at home... From who? Please tell me, 'cos I'm no good at guessing.. And most of the time, I don't care about who send it, but what the present is.. Today, is the BIG, CELEBRATED, GLORIOUS V day..

for florists of course... hehe..

Then again, florist, or lovers, it shouldn't matter.. We should all buy flowers for our lovers, with or without this day..

I was discussing this with Faizah yesterday and how, due to religious reasons, we should never celebrate it.. I'm in support of her argument.. And even without Islam at heart, I see no point celebrating it, 'cos believe me, I buy flowers and chocolates all the time..

And I do believe that people like us have the tendency to make Islam sound all too UPTIGHT, with its believers too RIGHTEOUS and most of all, that it CONDONE VIOLENCE..

A recent chat at breakfast with Mevis, Yaya and Shafa, I mentioned that if someone were to make a blasphemous comment about Islam, I would not start raging about and point my gun at him and the people around him..

That's just crazy..

Being all Singaporean, I would probably
1) Make blasphemous comments about his religion
2) Slap him
3) Get him to court

Trust me, beyond all the war and protests that's going on, Muslims are not violent people.. Like how Indians get egoistic about being Indian, Islam just cannot tolerate blasphemy.. And how what Muslim Malays seem to get pregnant all too prior to marriage and frequent clubs and bars the most, Islam still stand in their hearts.. Well, at least MOST of them..

In my view, it's all between GOD and YOU.. Whatever you do, or how you look, NO ONE can tell whether you'll go all the way for Islam..

And when I meant all the way, I don't mean using guns and airplanes, or nuclear weapons for that matter..

Let's digress a lil'..

Like Christians and Catholics, there's a HUGE difference between Shi'ahs and Sunnis.. Even tho' to many others, it's somewhat the same.. Even to me, I still see very lil' difference in Christians and Catholics, cos to me they are all the same: Kafir.. And to them, Sunni and Shi'ah, we are all Muslims.. Not true.. To Sunnis, Shi'ahs are totally not Muslims..

Right now, all the violence, uproar and blasphemy I see it's not for or because of Islam, but because of poverty, low literacy, lack of gun control and plain Arab- ego..

Were these terrorists (Muslims or not) have a car to drive to work to and a school to go to, they won't have the time or spirit to get up and rage against governments..

Were they be able to read the Quran or even newspapers, they'd know they shouldn't be violent, but charmingly persuasive..

And were they not anti- Israelis, (emphasizing NOT pro- Islam, but ANTI- ISREAL), they wouldn't give a damn about self- made, non- existant- unauthorisedly- invaded country..

So to all my dear non- Muslim friends, be afraid NOT, for we Singaporean Muslims do not have much angst and do not own guns..

That's all I have to say.. Good day..

It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over.

That's Edna St. Vincent Millay for you..

I decided to blog today for no reason at all.. I'm not angry, sick, happy or forgetful, for that matter.. Just decided to write something and quote someone out of impulse while listening to Michael Buble and watching Sal sleep...

Okaaaaayy.. let's begin.. hmmm...

CASE 1:
I was just chatting with Sap just now over MSN about mats and minahs.. I told him that I felt that he is the only malay guy in NTU whom has no apparent trace of mat-hood in him... And so he asked me how I define mats:

me: mats are those who find the need to prove a non- existent Malay identity. Same as that of minahs, tho' theirs has a life- long objective of attracting men. And I do not deny being guilty of this myself.

Sap: I define a hardcore mat as possessing the 5Ms. Confirm got Motor, smokes Marlboro, matair also a Minah, hiphop Music BUT no Money.

So that's Sap's 5M theory for you.

Case 2:
Since I mentioned about the Sarung Party Girl, Isabella, in my previous post, I've been reading her blog. You may wanna check it out on your own and read it.

Personally, I find it filled with bullcrap. Not that mine isn't.

She's one of the many girls JC ppl I know who experimented far enough to come up with their own views about sex and be open about it so as to discuss about it online. Trust me, despite us JC ppl being viewed as scholarly geeks who have nothing better to do than get a degree, we do have a life.

Generally, there are the 2 different JC people:
1) Those who are truly passionate about studies
2) Those who got jaded along the way and just aimed for a degree just for the sake of a stable job.

And I find type 2 far more human than 1 and easier to mix around with. Obvious enough, Isabella is type 2 and so are the few 342856970350280302 of us in NTU, including yours truly.

So my conclusion:

All of us, teenager or not, are trying to be different, unique and prove or find our identity. It's in all of us, and the only way we can learn this, is not by parental advice, but by experience.

Life is life and if you read the title of this post deep enough, you'll either get me, or get myopic.. hehe..

Mats are mats because they need to prove themselves Malay, and yet try to be different. That's the reason for the unrealised distortion. They are proud to be Malay. And they are trying to show to others that being Malay is cool and that explains the attention grabbing clothes and behaviour. That's normal, but that's the very irony. Malay culture was never about being rowdy, loud and has NOTHING to do with ending every sentence with SIAL. It's about being humble, berbudi bahasa (courteous) and well, CULTURED.

Same goes with Isabella and me. In one way or another, we are trying to prove to be different, when actually life is the same for everyone: it's one damn thing over and over.

In Isabella's case, she's trying to prove to all virgins out there that sex is well, sex. It's no big deal, with or without religious beliefs or social pressures. And in all her effort to prove this, she blogs about the many men she slept with, the pleasures and details of the sex she had, and in the end, she sound like a slut. A complete contradiction.

I am actually on her side. But I don't sleep around or blog about it. Salleha always said, "Berani buat, berani tanggung." To me, yeah, sex might be just that. There's really no big deal about penetration and pleasure. I do believe that those who hold strongly to religious belief about how we are valued by our virginity, VERY STUPID. Really, we are not trying to justify ourselves or compromise principles, but we are just TRYING TO PROVE TO BE LIBERAL.

And for that, people like us sound as though we have no culture whatsoever.

Maybe what Isabella is trying to prove is: Pre- marital sex is OK and fun and that everyone should be more open about sex. (maybe the government should really make use of her in this love month to promote pregnancy, hehe..)

But what I'm trying to prove is: The value of a person is not by his/ her virginity, physique or mistakes, but by his/ her ability and desire to change. The physical state or action of a person say NOTHING about who they really are. A terrorist may be as democratic as America, for all you know.

We are all misunderstood whenever we try to prove something. Maybe that's why we never need to prove anything. Life is life. Everyone gets through it and will figure out the truth eventually. Virgins will realise that sex is not a big deal (after their marriage, or course). Mats will grow out of their tapered pants. And I will eventually accept that pain is a part of life.

That's all..

Interference, interference!

Hey darlings...

Yeah.. I know, I've put on weight.. You guys don't need to mention it, I KNOW... hehe.. Odd, I've been gaining weight when I 've been eating the least..

Today: Photos.. On Saturday, Salleha and I went to our hall 2 performance at the Victoria Concert Hall.. Mainly to support Munirah, our toiletmate..

Personally, I felt that the whole play was a mockery of the sarung party girl.. And mind you, Isabella is actually Salleha's classmate.. Weird, ain't it?? And Munirah was surprisingly very talented.. Something I would have never expected of her..

Basically, it's somewhat related to the upcoming Valentine's.. About love, marriage and superficial beauty.. So yeah, issues about

love = money and
ang moh = rich & handsome = high status, weren't excluded..

That's the main theme behind the coutless lame, unhumourous jokes.. The whole production, advertising and location seemed somewhat professional, but the quality of the acting?? Let's just say it's typically SINGAPOREAN... Trying too hard to establish a non- existant identity... People behind the whole production were so GAY..

After the performance, I thought I should bring Salleha around, since she has the advantage of NO CURFEW for going back to dorm that nite.. So yeah, I brought her to the clubbing areas.. First, it was supper at Lau Pa Sat, then Boat Quay, Clark Quay, MS area and finally, a bridge right at the end of the whole night life.. Her shoes were causing blisters, so I encouraged her to go around barefooted by going barefooted myself... So, imagine the stares we got, carrying huge SLRs, being barefooted, Salleha in tudong and me in my very beng black shirt at that area..

So a new idea to our dream studio name: Barefoot Photography.. What you guys think?? Kewl ey?? heheh..

We stayed til about 2+++ and took a cab ride back to our room, totally bummed..

Here are just a few of the photos.. All are by me save the last one by Salleha.. Problem with my camera: Capturing light in low- light conditions.. Problem with Salleha's camera: Shutter speed functions are totally disabled.. So, I learned to get used to using spot metering in night photography.. Kinda getting used to stealing light here and there, especially at night..

Hope I didn't bore you guys too much with the above report of technical problems..

Enjoy!



Yeah, yeah, Munirah's ever faithful fans were the first 3 to get to the 2nd floor of VCH.. (R to L: Me, Salleha and Hafizah)



Pfffft...



Cacat..



The usher.. He's such a sweetheart..



My dream cup size.. heh..



Victoria Concert Hall..



Spooky place ey?



My idol manipulator: Salvador Dali



Nice rainin effect ey??



Wonder why Singapore is 2nd lowest in the recent Durex survey?? Tsk tsk..



Heh.. Figures..



Midnight supper at Lau Pa Sat..



The Satay guy from Stall 9.. (Gosh, I need to excercise, y'all)



Yeah, Lovers we are indeed..



Saturday nite at clark quay..



Yes, we were barefooted..



Funky bridge..



Swear I'll name it Yati's Bridge..



A pathetic suicide attempt..



Ballerina- wannabe.. Hahaha..



Scary Salleha (I know, Sal, kill me for posting this)



Look at the markings beside the arrow.. Haha..



Let's not think dirty..



In the cab back to NTU..



Me sleeping in the cab.. Orite, ppl, zzzzzzzzzz...

Choose: Between the legs or between the ears..

A check up...

That's all it takes to make you realise you're doomed for the rest of your life..

First, of all, I have to admit (and reassure myself) that I do not say the whole truth here.. Whatever's blogged is whatever's from MY POINT OF VIEW... And really, please do not think you know me just because you read my blog..

For one thing, I was always pestered to write whatever I discussed in therapy class here.. Unfortunately, a disappointment to my ex- classmates, I do not want people to start wanking off in front of their computers with this blog maximised to full screen and I do not want my friends to give me a big pitiful hug everytime they see me.. And most of all, since all my visits to the doc are kept discreet, I do not wish to let my friends think I'm a nutcase, just because they could never imagine me in therapy...

But today, it's very important to me to remember this event.. As much as I wish it never happened or that I naturally (and gradually) forget about it, I do feel that I should be reminded of it every time I visit my past posts..

Sorry to disappoint again, but I shall only use hints (for myself) to remember this events..

Recently, I went for a check up due to a bad fall that affected my back... Warnings given:

1) No vigorous activities for 3 weeks (No skating or clubbing)
2) No lifting of heavy objects
3) No sexual activities, even if it's just oral
4) No smoking
5) No cola or coffee
6) No tampons, just sanitary pads
7) No skipping of medication
8) No tight jeans, just skirts if possible
9) No sleeping face- down

I shall stop there.. And by now you guys should know I'm hurting bad.. Please, PLEASE, no clubbing or skating or smoke breaks for the next 3 weeks...

I do wish to recover fully without any trace of this ever happening.. Thank you..