Dear darling doc,

I've been wanting to talk to someone a long time ago but never had the chance to.. So tonight I will write a letter.. I know it's different, but it's a start..

What got me writing this letter now is the discussion between Ain, Samz, Usha and me under a void deck while buka-ing together at Geylang.. That whatever in our past, that were left hanging, will catch up with us.. It was about a particular someone we were talking about..

However, I found myself caught in the same rut, with many issues unresolved and still haunting me..

This haunting is never literal, nor is it avoidable.. You can keep mum and try to forget about it by ignoring it, but it sticks like caramel and the only way to remove it, is to lick it.. This was supposed to be licked a few months back, but I let it dry.. Whatever's that's left....

So here goes..

Firstly, I hope you are happy where you are right now and I hope you get whatever it was you were looking for.. I hope you found the right one tho..

And secondly, I want to thank you for ever trying to make me part of your life and making me feel so beautiful, and mostly, happy and loved..

I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me most, and when you actually screamed my name for help.. I know all I did was ignore and let you burn.. I didn't mean to hurt you like that.. I swear I didn't.. I just thought it's only best you help yourself.. For if I did, you'll never find whatever it was you were looking for, and you'll never be wherever you are now.. If I did, you'll still be stucked with me.. You will not know your direction and you'll hate me even more...

Sometimes, I just wish you shared a little bit more with me and say things first.. For if you did, I would have stayed.. And I would have said even more.. I just wish to be included, even tho' you see I don't want to.. I wish you forced it upon me, stronger than I could resist.. I know I'm not that strong, so it was possible.. But you didn't.. You just let it be.. Let me be.. But I know you tried..

Even now, I wish you'd tell me a lil' more, not because you felt I want you to, but you know you want to.. And I know you want to.. Please do not exclude me like this and please leave me in peace.. I hate to see you troubled like that, even tho' you already got whatever you initially wanted..

One fine day, I hope to bump into you and have spend some time and courage telling you all this.. Before either of us leave..

Love,
Yati