HAPPY BIRTHDAY VIDYA!

Hey good people..

I realise that my last 3 posts were all depressing and words, words, words, words, words! So this time, photos! It's at the end of this post.. From Vidya's birthday celebration.. Yeah, finally.. the BIG 2-0! Sorry for the late update.. So again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, dearie!

Some of the photos were from Usha's camera.. It's sooooo kewl.. Metallic red.. Looks like a ciggie casing.. 8.0 megapix summore! Damn.. And it flashes like 3 times.. Very 'BLING BLING'.. haha.. So yeah.. Lonerz with 2 cameras?? woah.. It's like taking a shot 360 degrees! and i'm not talking only about angles! ok.. I should stop drooling already.. slurrrrrpp..

And it's nice to hear Vid's sis getting married later this May, so Vidz will be in India.. And Usha and Sameema will be in US in some summer program in Berkeley during the vacation, earning 8AUs in 6 weeks! Aisyah is following Martin back to Norway.. And my family's going to Hong Kong, as usual, for a shopping spree.. MY FREAKING PASSPORT! It's due, remember? Please, please, please, do not let me stay here alone! Oh God, please.. Aaaaaarrrgghh....

So, everyone's out of town this hols..

I think we should be grateful that we could even travel.. I downloaded this software, somewhat like youtube, where you can share videos.. So there were alot of videos of the misery that poor people around the world go through.. Like poverty, malnutrition, AIDs, sexual abuse, war, etc. These things get to me.. Makes me reflect..

And money is has been circulating here in Singapore..

In Salleha and my family alone: my mom got money from me grandmama, about 15K.. Me dad just got his Bonus pay which I dare not put the sum here, Salleha's parents and both her elder siblings got some from our government, something like 800 each.. So yeah.. we should be VERY VERY GRATEFUL.. Wake up every morning, breathe and go Alhamdulillah..

But I believe what goes around comes around.. God works in mysterious ways.. So don't go complacent, people.. Save up, donate, do some charity.. I forsee a great deal of hardship the next few months, so think twice about getting that slick new $2700 digital SLR.. He's testing us.. ALWAYS.. and it's at times like this, especially when we're at our peak happiness, we should cut down the parties and prepare..

I can smell it..

So enough blabber.. Here are the photos.. Click to a 1024 pixel.. Enjoy!



Yo, yo!



Yeah, yeah! ooo yeah..



Early birdies



Cheeeese!!



From Usha's angle..



From MY angle..



From Ain's angle..



From a wrong angle..



We had hawaiian..



And melted fingers baked in a glove.. (Use your imagination)



Front view



Side view



Front view from the side... huh?



The les couple, Sakit and Suck-it...



The birthday girrl..



Da whole gang...



Da whole gang again.. (Sorry, can't think of captions)



See the clumsy drop of wax? Tsk tsk..



Yummay..



The evil serial cake- killer, Vidya..



No, no, noooooo...



Heh.. Re- enactment only lerr..



7- pieces, Vidya, 7!



Kewl new fat slippers for those skinny feet..



Presenting Ain's spastic wrapping, and Vidya's fantastic expression.. (Go figure)



Aaaaaarrrggghh... Damn nice laaa..



20 year old Vidya!



Yes Vidya, the zipper stops there.. No higher, sorry..



Kewl jacket also laa.. Lucky bitch!

Worried? Me? No laa...

Hey y'all..

Been trying to channel my energy away from thoughts of death and of course, cries.. (See previous 2 posts)

And been trying to make academic decisions lately. I could either
1) Stay on with this shitty course for another 3 years, get a stable job and feel miserable while I spend lunch alone in my office in front of my laptop.
or 2) Transfer course to something I like and realise that I don't need that degree and it was purely for passion- 4 years of youth for something useless to me.
or 3) Quit university and work, unknowingly get disowned by my parents.

Option (3) might be quite unlikely, but this is real serious shit. It is POSSIBLE, because I'm considering it.. Discussed it with parents and friends.. The only reason I continue Uni education is all for my parents and community.. The fact that the number of Malays that qualify to ever enter JC is probably equivalent to my monthly salary, what more university?

And if you're some makcik who haapen to have a conversation with me while waiting for your Mee Rebus at a hawker centre, you'd be proud that a bimbo like me is taking COMPUTER ENGINEERING in university.. You'll start introducing me to your sons, tell me that you'll pray to God I'll be a success, advice me to work hard and ask about my parents.. Trust me, this happens 4 times already.. Tho' the other 3 had different food orders.. One was a nasi ayam take away, another an ice kachang and the most recent was a mocha frappucino while I was at work..

And if you're my mom, you'll start freaking out because you fear that history will repeat itself.. My mom's highest qualification is pre-U, she applied for university, got accepted, BUT refused it.. And my elder sis, she got to poly, failed and transfer course and left without a diploma.. So I do understand my mom's reaction..

Expectation, expectation, expectation.. This is crazy..

And among other bullcrap, is the upcoming adventure race which I am totally unprepared for.. Same goes for the upcoming exams..

And to transfer course, I realise I have to hand in EVERYTHING- my portfolio, a video of myself, an essay and photos, by 28th March..

And work- been deciding when I should quit..

Oyaa.. Something interesting happened during graveyard shift with Mev last night.. There was an army flight to Taiwan, and there was this boy who ordered thru Mev and Mev even made the drink herself.. But when he wanted to leave, he handed me the pink GEMS service card, gave a cheeky smile, left and smiled at me again 5 minutes later when he was hanging around that area.. If you dont know what pink card I'm talking about, it's a small card to say thank you to those who you felt gave a good service, you'll jot the Barista's name and leave your name and number on the card as well.. So Mev was there and asked,

"You got serve him, meh?"

hehehe.. how convenient these cards, giving them opportunity to share their numbers.. bloody NS guy.. You're going to Taiwan for goodness sake! Can't you wait til you come back??

Ok.. I'm tired to think already.. so nite, folks!

help, please, someone help...

I feel like drowning..

I know it takes time to get over a best friend's death.. But I don't have time.. I feel like going out of this room now, get to a HDB block, take the lift to the 11th floor, sit by the edge, close my eyes, thank and apologise to God and.. weeeeeeeee..

Ryan, how could you do this to me??

I woke up at 11 plus this morning and decided not to attend class.. My eyes were puffy, my back and forearms were aching and migrains, blardee migrains, knocking on my head from the back...

Banging like the song Shake That by Eminem...

Of course the physical pain was partially caused by rockclimbing with Faisal.. Every moment I'm with my other friends, I try not to think about you.. It's so hard..

Tears roll down unknowingly... Just the thought of you.. It's killing me... Your face there, and I could immediately taste the salt from my tears..

I'd like to think killing myself is a far better, faster and easier option, but when was it an option in the first place? All my friends offer a listening ear, but I just can't.. Just the thought of you.. Breaks me into pieces... And I can't break now.. So to all who cared, thanks, but really, it's up to me and I can't do it..

I can't think, I can't study, I can't listen to my friends when they talk.. All I can do is try to be the happy Yati everyone knows and prepare a box of kleenex when I blog..

Ryan, I'll never forget you..

I'll never forget your smile, your "kazoinkas", the way you smell, the warmth of your touch, the way you run your fingers down my spine, your laughter, your hugs, your kisses, your voice..

I love you, Ryan and I'll give anything to have you here now, so I could tell you all this.. Maybe you're listening to me right now.. I wish we never met.. That I didn't follow you home and played poker with you.. I wished we never became friends and cared so much for you to the point of being best friends.. Now that I've lost you, I feel that I lost myself even more.. See, if I never knew you, I'm not the wreck I am now..

Why must you do this to me? Why now?

Shit, I can't sleep now.. And the pre- race training is tomorrow.. Wish me all the best, people.. Hope I won't have you in my head and suddenly trip on my bike, or slip off the rockwall, or be tempted to drown myself..

Nite..

....

God, this hurts so much..

I feel really lost and stupid, and cruel, heartless and undeserving of life... God, why must you allow such a bitch as I to love???

I've been crying for over an hour now, and have tried to type something here 15 minutes ago and I think this will be my most emotional post ever.. Madness has taken over me now.. I have alot of things on my mind and have put thru even far worse painful situations, but this is where I break down..

ok... breathe..

About 5 hours ago, I was having my break at work and received an overseas call... On the other line was a shivering voice of a heartbroken sister who's words came in between hiccups thru a nasal voice, almost gasping and panting.. It was Rachel, his sister.. My dear best friend had a car accident and did not survive... I've held my tears for the shift and only an hour ago did I finally feel the warmth of my own blood flowing and my heart aching from this news.. And now, my nose is totally blocked from my cries..

It's funny how I felt lost for words or expression when I first heard it..

It's as though my heart stopped.. Stunned and blanked.. I couldn't think, speak or even hear my surroundings, save my own voice in my head..

And now that I could feel again, I can't stop crying and thinking of him.. How terrible I treated him, and how we were best of friends despite that.. How we kissed all the time, and still remained best friends.. How we broke our promises to each other, and yet love that so much.. How I owe him a dinner, and he, my long- awaited postcard..

I wish I could tell him how much I love him and how good he looks in his new hairdo and thank him for every of his hug and kiss.. And Michael, I hope you read this and know that your call saved me from insanity.. Thank You..

That's all I can do for now.. I can't take anymore heartache through all these memories.. I need to get more Kleenex... Good nite..

To Ryan

Ok.. I bet you guys must be wondering why I'm updating my blog now, when I just did it about 12 hours ago..

Ryan called!!! But guess what's his first line after "hello, Ryan here"??

"Bloody skank, can you express something real in your blog?? You can be quite superficial sometimes, you know that?? And you're lousy at lying! Waste my time reading k??"

Boy, was I shocked.. I mean it's MY BLOODY BLOG! But anyways, I do wish to express something real here, right now:

FUCK YOU, RYAN! And where's my bloody post card, you freaking toot??

But do know, as a friend, I do understand your frustration.. I mean yeah, it's pretty fucked up when you finally get to use the internet and bothers to check on your best friends by reading their blogs only to find stupid photos and bimbotic comments (ahem, check my past 3 posts), that say nothing about their well- being.

And for that, I'm truly sorry, Ryan..

And this time, I'm gonna give you a real update.. Do be warned that it's gonna be a boring long one, 'cos even tho' life's been real stressful with too many things goin' on, it's generally routinely.. Anyway, I realise I've been forgeting things again. So yeah, hopefully this post helps..

Ok, so what happen today?? It's pretty simple, really..

1) Woke up with a call from a guy, L, who was using my toiletmate's room the night before.

2) Took a shower and Salleha finally got back from her friend's place. (She wasn't in the room for the night)

3) Went to Canteen 2 with her to buy toast and milo for $1.70. She ate the toast while I settled for the milo.

4) Salleha got to school while I slept a while til 1020 to head for the lab. I didn't do the quiz there and fucked up the report, which means I wasted 2 hours in lab.

5) Went back to my room and rested a while before putting up the previous post on this blog. L called to get something from me.

6) Slept and woke at Ain's knock on my door. She, Samz and I were watching American Idol. Met up with Usha and Tushara and then headed to the coffeeshop nearby blk 910 across the Yunnan Garden for dinner (my first meal of the day at nearly 2100hr). I was skating around that area the night before. Ate prata and Indian rojak, which Ain said was Banana flavoured.

7) After dinner, we played around the fitness area there and I really enjoyed exercising there, despite feeling bloated. I particularly liked the 'moonwalk' equipment, tho' every other equipment made us look as tho' we're fucking and being pounded on. Hehehe..

8) Walked back to my room and suggested to Salleha to jog together.

9) After much stretching and warming up, we realised, we don't want to jog. And agreed to play volleyball at the nearby court. We couldn't play well, so from 2330 to 0045, we were playing mini volleyball with the ever so high net that was put up. Volleyball felt more strenous than just jogging, so I felt it was a good 1hr plus workout.

10) Got back to our room, which I then scrub the toilet floor, the toilet bowl, the sinks and mirrors, purely out of impulse. Took me an hour. Showered when you finally called to complain.

So now, I'm updating my blog, specially for you.. My whole body is aching and blue blacks are forming near my wrist areas from the volleyball hits..

Issues that's been playing around my head:

1) Dropping out of uni.
2) Upcoming exams.
3) My parents going out of town for the next few days.
4) This upcoming race I just signed up for.
5) Hostel application (if I decide to not quit Uni)
6) Doing electives during the upcoming vacation.
7) Make up for a total of 5 Lab sessions.
8) You, and how I wished I ran away with you when you were here.

I hope you're happy now and I'm expecting a call from you and of course, MY POST CARD!!!

YIKES!

Hey hey hey.. Lots have been happening for the past week.. Which means

1) I haven't been attending class regularly
2) I'm waaaaaay back on studies
3) Sleep comes every 2 days
4) Photos! Photos! Photos!

But, first thing, I have to apologise to all Starbucks T2 partners for not joining you guys at the chalet/ BBQ.. Really really sorry.. It's hard to cope with cab fares and midnite surcharges from Boon Lay to Pasir Ris and back to Boon Lay..

And Happy Birthday to me daddy.. May you lead a long, prosperous life ahead!

And o yeah, Salleha and I jogged on Monday.. Panting like steam trains, it's obvious we're probably the 2 most unfit people among the ever- active Hall 2 residents..

And we both bought new red canvas shoes which we designed on later.. Mine are in the photos below while hers I haven't had the chance of taking a shot at..

So yeah, I hope you enjoy the photos!

(As usual, click on them for a better view)




Before photo.. The empty canvas..



Top: My dream butterfly tattoo... Bottom: MY OWN FACE! (side view, sad I can't draw the hair tho') hehe..




Top: The naked SuperGirl!.. Bottom: YATILICIOUS..



Cool black and red laces I bought in Thai for 20 baht.. (80 cents)


OOO yeah.. Yeah, yeah... Lonerz watching movies, as always.. I do realise that all day long I spend time with guys, guys and guys, and Salleha.. So when it comes to girl- time, it's all fun for me! And Ain, Jake is one hot ass!! And it's quite comforting to know that my room is quite clean.. Looking at my handwriting and comparing it to Shahida's or Sameema's, you'll never be able to match our rooms..



Japanese wannabes..



Very tanned Japanese...



The true jap-o-nene...



Usha's orgasmic moment with Vidya's head furiously pressed on her boobies..



Happy faces after arranging beds and cleaning up Samz's and Usha's room..



Yeah, we hostel ppl have nothing better to do...



Me in my PJs dozing off even before the fun begins..



Mid- Jarhead glamour moment..



7 asses cramming on my bed!



Aisyah, pay attention!



Finally, a proper group photo!


And then there was the launch of the Youth Donor Club which took place at Orchard Road on 4th March. All sorts of events took place on that day. If you weren't there on 4th March, boy, did you miss alot. The CLEO bachelors were there as well. Along with Simon Webbe from the UK boy band, BLUE, having an autograph session at HMV. In all, it was a truly tiring day being in my skates for 7 stiff hours. Me, a volunteer who just annoyingly tags ppl with stickers that stick to their hair so that they won't be able to refuse the forced advertising. Met a few ppl there. There was this other skater, Leonard, a JC 1 student from CJC. Such a cutie. Too bad he's 17 only. Siiigghhhh.. Paedophilic me.. heh..



The YDC mascot in its all-time fav expression..



The skaters.. Three lads and one ladee..



There were singing...



Rapping..



Hip- hopping...



Breakdancing..



Jamming..



Rocking.. (By the Smash Inc. from NTU!)



Bus- stop Mosaic Fest @ the Esplanade promoting...



Balloon- festing..



And finally, even bead- swinging entertainment along Orchard Road!