my posts seems so damn fucking long!

Ok doc, I think you are asking for too much!

Bitches and sluts!

I mean gimme a break. Try to look at everyone's blog and then tell me my posts are short.

Anyway, I'll purposely have a short post this time to make you see tha difference.

Ok. Cam talked to me today. And I realised that there's no such thing as right or wrong. It all depends on the situation.

Like the action 'stealing candy from a baby' may seem evil, but if you look at the intention of stealing a CANDY, it might actually do good for the baby.... Get me??? Nevermind if you don't.... Maybe I'm just talking crap 'cos I'm just soooo mad at your msg, bitch!

Fuck off..

So, fucking, tired....

Ok, just had graveyard shift with Sam, for the first time.

He's nice and all. It's like having a nice nigga- wannabe bro who not only provide a shoulder, but like to play with your shoulder, literally. I don't know why exactly, but yeah, that's what that horny rear- end- lover like to do.

And again, before I could say anything about cute customers or hot mamas, Sam actually spotted me. Not straight he thinks.

"When you first walked in, I can tell by the smile on Merv's face,"

like, "Whatever laa, Sam."

hehe.. And apprently, ppl think I like Khalid. Cute thought. I always wanted an affair with a small schoolboy. But at every opportunity, I puked like a whore. Haha!

For those of you out there trying to get me a guy, puhleez.. I'm no paedophile. And I like my man big, k? You know what I mean? Meat and all... Something I can eat and chew hard on?? I like him wide, not necessarily muscular, so that I don't look too fat and ugly for him. And for my woman, I like her flirty and drunk. Haha.. So yeah, if you do find one, intro to me! Unfortunately, no one in the store seems to be a prospective target.

And seriously, I don't think looks matter to me anymore. Or maybe I'm just saying that because I'm stupid.

Going out again. But so damn tired. And I feel so guilty leaving my mom alone. May God bless her. Maybe she don't know this, but mama, I love you. Never could really say that to her.

music pirates

ok... I remembered the online journal Salleha and I shared... this is one of my posts... shall not put up any of her's... I picked this post cos it's the most recent... here it goes:

"music pirates

ok... been quite a while since i ever got soo passionate abt something...

recently, there's a new craze on the dancefloor...

reggae....

gone are the days of hip hop....

yay!

so i was thinking to myself... wad made these mats and minahs change... i mean last time, it was hip hop at cream and now, all of a sudden, rastafari at hardrock...

the clubbing culture... i just dun get it...

and i'm a big fan of bob marley... so yeah.... coolness...

and i cant sleep over this issue... i dunno why...

i realised that any form of music that falls into the trap of dancehalls loose its authencity...

so my theory:

dancehalls sells music and keep musicians alive...but ironically, it destroys the music itself, distorting and manipulating it...to some other form that does not aprreciate the true meaning of that genre, but just the culture of clubbing...

so yeah... all i'm saying is that the culture of clubbing kills novelty but it fuels its growth... to market and sell music...

i mean... look at reggae...when bob marley introduced rastafari to the world, reggae meant peace... freedom for the blacks... end to the cruelty of racism and the struggle against discrimination... with the dreadlocks and all...

but then... more and more blacks jump into the same bandwagon... people gather... they all wanted to share the music... so reggae got to dancehalls...

the rhymin of peaceful jamaican rhythms got distorted to uncensored, cynical rapping... rappers and DJs pop up like daisies... they dun talk abt real issues like racism, but issues like how much money or sex they need... evolved: ppl like Shaggy... then the final product: hiphop.... which basically lost all essense of reggae and only supplied to the demands of the dancefloor...

same goes for disco by the BEEGEES which then evolved to techno (Aqua)...

and rock to pop...

i mean.. just look at green day.. they dun sound like punk anymore...

neither is bon jovi and aerosmith categorised rock... anymore....

the raw and hardcore form of music no longer exist...only the beats that makes us dance...

the only genres that stayed true to its form are probably classical and jazz...cos ppl dun club to them...

maybe jazz... but still... distortion... how can u compare diana krall and norah jones to the legendary nat king cole or louis armstrong?

damn it... and i'm still stucked to maroon 5..."

PAIN IS GOOD...

ok.. i may sound a lil' maso here... but seriously I do find physical pain both a need and a want...

recently i accidently cut my hand... and at first, i was like the usual 'OUCH!'... but as the blood slowly seeps out, there's this incredible sensation... a sense of release... a sense of liberation! it felt like when i reach orgasm while getting off.. ahem... go try it! just a small cut... but no abuse aa... and do it clean and fast... i mean just observe the blood as it trickles... the sensual redness... and feel the physical pain acting like a scream... releasing the other emotional and mental pain... pushing them out like the oozing blood... that's my want for pain... or more like the desire for pain....

On the other hand (which has no cuts, hehe), we need pain..... imagine feeling no pain while your hand happily sits on a lighted stove... what do we end up with? A fucking charred hand! And so off with his hand! just because pain we feel not...

So yeah... that's all I wanna say... Pain is good...

maybe someday i'll put up some of the entries that i shared with salleha from some online journal i forgot...

Adios amigos!

Wooooo Hooooooo!!

ok... i passed the bar and written test to end my trainee status...

just worked for 11 fucking hours....

my knees are aching mad.... and my eyes... only had a sleep for 3 hours the day before.. so that's more like a nap rite?

the day before i end at 11 but waited for cab til 2 but went to simpang bedok with has, lynn and jamie to makan... so at home at 4... woke up at 7 to get ready for work at 9.....

that felt like a short breath...

and i was supposed to do a bar and written test at my semi- concious (spelling error?) floating state....

but i managed... and now i dun spill as much milk....

brought home like 5 cheesecakes and a choc cake.....

i used to crave for them soo sooo bad, but now so sick of them... just the smell makes me giddy....

ok... I NEED SLEEP!!!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

wobbly knees all over again...

ok... today was a great day.... 16/17 May 2005...

first, met pak to buy cheesecake for his dad's b'day at TM with Salleha. Sal belanja me movie. The Interpreter. Quite good. Sheesh. Seriously miss Sal and Pak. And so gossiped at Delifrance. Gossipmongers we are. And i seriously pity Pak. Cannot go out and all. And on top of that, cannot go out with GF, Ashedah. So sad rite? And Sal bought me a pink mirror and lotsa combs and a pair of minah earrings.... AAAAWWWWWWW..... So shweeeet.....

Then rushed to work in a cab...

At work, Lili gave me Perlini's studs. Like AAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW.... So Shweeeeeet.... So touching...... something like she fought with Khalid... dunno wad happen...

And i think I'm getting a hang of POS register and connecting with customers. Kinda like the whole thing.

But suddenly there was this bitch who referred Faizah as a bastard. So rude!! She even wanted to throw the coffee at Has's face! And was creating a scene and all. And then security came. Think now she's banned from starbucks. She called us starfucks and wanted a saucer beneath a MUG??!! Like how do u use a mug usually??? Only TEACUPS comes with saucers. Then she complained that our coffe sucked. And get this: she doesn't know wad a stirrer is! Like where did she come from?? Think she's a lil' sort up there. So then Has settled it with the police, Aszy got to know about it and even the HQ was informed of it. Has said it's the first time this ever happened. Sympathise Faizah and Has. They were victimised just for a $2 cup of coffee. As for Adnan, forever kepo-ing. Trying to make everyone stay cool and all, but these are girls man. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

So life continues and then after everything, went down to Pacific Coffee. Nice place sia, but too many cameras. They have couches evrywhere, papers, cute lanterns and even PCs for internet. We, as friends, get free drinks and of course, free internet...

Went back up and got all the free mark- out pastries. After eating a while, Stinky John, a.k.a Resident Evil of Starbucks T2, left. Leaving a trail. Guess wad? HE PEE-ED ON THE COUCH!!!!! Like EEEEEWWWWW. Think his diaper leaked. Thank God I wasn't down for graveyard shift. Shafa cleaned that up. Again, report to Aszy.

So now back at home reporting to you.

Lili is so sweet sia. She actually saved me a lemon tart just now. I really owe her. And she's the only one who bothers about us, trainees, not forgeting Faizah too. These people really care. I mean Kavan and I went in like Gundus but was welcomed by their love and warmth. Lili and Faizah, I love you guys.

And last week, my birthday. Merv offered to buy me cake and immediately, Aszy gave us money to buy Sweson's Ice Cream cake. So shweeeeeeet. So touching. But seriously, i felt touched and thankful to have wonderful, sweet partners. I never expected this, especially that now I'm still a trainee. Feel like crying sia.

And seriously, it's all this lil' things that make your day. The gift, although little, becomes more meaningful, more significant and more memorable. Like what Lili said: Be nice to people, and you'll get so much more in return.

And I rushed to meet Loners at Funan. Swenson's again. They personalised all my gifts! AAAAAAAWWWWWW... I just coulnt stop aaaawwww-ing.... They are really sweet. We got lotsa free stuff cos of the birthday girl. Friday the 13th, mind you. We spent 88 bucks. (See pics below).

So yeah, life sounds like a bed of roses rite now. But I know that THIS is the time I should panic and be most careful. Prepare for something bad to happen cos right now, this happiness had better be for real...

Alhamdulillah... Thank You God... I love you too...

It's My Birthday..

the swenson's...( 'the simpsons' intro playing in the background)


punctual people


usha reading the menu


samz reading the menu


vidz not knowing wad's a menu


13s


awww...


prezzies


the bag of fame


the cat


the band shirt


freaking mr. flirt


vidz the goth poser


free food alwiz tastes good


the toilet club!


stop showing off your breasts, samz


ain is so cacat


yati the shortie


screeeeech!

work, work and more work....

my sis' a bitch!

ok... we planned... if both of us get a job elsewhere, shifts are supposed to be FLEXIBLE... but no.... that ass had to choose one that's fixed... so now after in- store training, i HAVE to run back to the shop...

my knees feel wobbly...

like i'm gonna fall anytime soon....

and i've yet to use my espresso machine cos the class yest sucked... and Anas had to irritate me later... wanted me to play drums, but me not confident aa... i mean i need lotsa practise and rest and most of all TIME for all this again... i have to be commited...

I HAVE COMMITMENT ISSUES...

but yet, i'm still considering it... cos he wants to pay.... hmmmm...

$$$!!! can u see my eyes brimming GREEN???? HAHAHAHA...

and yeah.... a secret to big breasts: SOY MILK..... I'll try that... sounds natural... or maybe it's too late for me... damn laa... they're already sagging, man.... i can feel the weight....

and yeah... more considerations:

1) Abriz's wedding in Chicago in July
2) Hostel in NTU which also begins in July
3) Playing rebana for dikir peformance at end-year for some two hoots
4) Manifest in July

please God... help me...

I'll turn straight... as a rod...

Anw, met this guy, Aziz... damn cute... and humourous... when we quarrel, he always win... shows intelligence and determination... but still, a chimney... but i dun care much aa... so yeah...a heterosexual i aspire to be...

ok... where was i again?

oya... God please hear my plea... help me... please... I cant cope running from tampines to changi to bugis, and soon to boon lay, all my life.... give me peace and serenity.... and give me sleep... Amin...

today, learnt POS register... i dun really like it...gotta practise drink calling man... i suck... i still like blended beverages and LOVE dishes... i really wanna meet this guy Sam... I'm sure we'll make great friends... Lili is still a child, behind all that 'teacher' or shud i say 'Learning Coach' facade... She nice...

ok... my backbone's aching.... i wanna complete my learning journal...

goodnite, doc... til we meet again....

sooo bummed out....

ok...

this can be quite irritating... now that i dont see you.... i have to put this shit up??!!

what the heck laa...

so yeah... quit beaufort at sentosa to join starbucks....

today had a class the HQ at GB Building....

SERVICE AT STARBUCKS... by Adzhar... 5pm to 10pm...

Adzhar's some store manager at Starbucks Toa Payoh which is shutting down soon...

boring class I must say... made me restless and all with countless, repetitive questions....

Nonetheless, it's the class every barista went thru' to make Starbucks what it is.... It's such a wonder... A boring class could yield a bunch of enthusiastic, cheerful, lively service.... Interesting aint it? Irony.....

Ok so... nothing to say about it.... Still have to complete my Learning Journal.... with specific answers to my SMART goals... damn laaa....

But I got to know my classmates better... they are truly the nicest ppl...

Kavan... More casual with him now... Feel like having a new younger bro... cant believe that guy NEVER went clubbing before.... looking at how "ah beng" he is.... hehe... Kavan, if you stumble your way here, I'm truly sorry...

And yeah... Shaun is very enthu.... So is the ever- cheerful Hidayat... Somehow.... after the MRT ride just now, I realised that the person who's probably in the same stage in life with me is Anas... judging by the way he speaks... but dunno him much... quite a quiet one... still dunno his true age.... bitches and sluts!

And Milo, despite appearing all gender- confused, she'd probably the most matured one in the class... Love the tattoos... Fiona... the sweet, charming humourous one who has the Lonerz quality.... She'd probably be in Lonerz were she in Cedar and my age.... hmm.... Shi Wei and Geraldine dunno how much potential they have in making more money.... I guess to can call these two PASSIONATE.... ppl that Starbucks would truly appreciate....

But Seek.... seems to be a know- it- all... nice but a bit too innocent and uptight... she seems to be the one to want power and control... she's nice and all.... but the vibes she gives, the energy she radiates seems quite too negative... well who knows, I might be wrong, ey?

I'm dead tired man... You've got to accept this... cos I'm editting no more, bitch!

This is different...

Ok... This feels different... not like the usual sessions... but I'll get used to this... It's quite nice actually...

Rather than having you in my face...

hehe...

And a bonus for you, I'll even throw in some internal jokes that I cant articulate before, now that you are not physically here...

And seriously, I cant bother to correct spelling or grammar or punctuation errors as how I'm not bothered about putting up a proper profile or links or pictures or whatever else...

Anyway, it's just gonna be the two of us and you already know me... At least I hope so... and yeah until I make this public or have a seriousboy friend or something....

So what happened to me? Basically the usual... Work, sleep, eat...

Yet I cant see the money... or

I cant see the money yet...

Learnt how to make Frappucinnos- all of them. Coffee- based, tea- based, cream- based, Frap light... You name it... I can get it done... But the rest like espressos and lattes and all, I dunno... Yet...

And my Learning Journal aint complete... And they HAVE to approve all my "SMART" goals before I'm officially a barista... Sheesh...

Accepted the Comp Engin offer... What the heck... It's good enough I could even get thru... I should be thankful... Yet... you know, the usual disappointment... I cant help myself... All depressed about it... But I'll get pass this... I know I will... You need not worry about that...

And hopefully, I'll attend his wedding too... But not too sure about the university orientation and all.. If they have one in the first place... Have to check it out...

And I have to get my sis the Sheila On 7 CD.... Poor girl... So stressed out this year...

oya... Thank God I didnt resit for A's... waste of time, money, and most of all, BLOOD... all the migrains I'll have to put up with...

I think that's all for today... I'm tired....

Just for you dearie...

Ok... all set up for u... just testing out first... BAM!

Seriously.... I'm still exploring man.... what the heck...


bitches

left to right: ain, usha, me....