The deadest duck a duck can be..

Math paper in 2 days and I'm still trying to understand statistics... Fuck all these papers.. I don't give a damn anymore.. I look at Salleha in admiration.. Her determination to score.. Her drive to survive and compete.. While I'm happily floating away...

WEEEEEE... For now, that is... Boo hoo later..

Something scared me just now.. My mom called me up.. She wanted to clean my room and asked if it's ok,

"Oooo.. Ma nak bersihkan, Ti tak (kisah).. Um, takpe Ma, nanti Yati bersihkan sendiri." (Mom, if you wanna clean it, I don't (mind).. Um, but nevermind, later I'll clean it myself.)

My gawd... I almost slipped there... Living in the hostel made me forget all the stuff in my room... All the toys I hid... My mom would probably have a heart attack if she found them...

Now married and all, I rarely had the chance to use them and just go on hungry and horny all the time.. Can't deny all this.. I mean, I'm human... And half my mind is still wondering whether my mom just went ahead to clean my room.. The other half is just numbers and figures...

But hey, don't get me wrong.. I don't go to sex shops to specifically get a dildo.. I don't need to, people just get them for me.. A typical big birthday joke- To open up presents in front of your friends only to blush at the sight of a huge dildo/ vibrator.. So far, I've collected 3...

A pink one, a purple and silver one and a life- like 9 incher..

People kept on giving me such presents because they know I won't get offended.. In fact, they KNOW I find these things useful.. Especially all the thongs and the scented candles..

All burried deep in my room... It's a good thing being apart from them... Their absence made me understand myself and help me discover ways to combat cravings... But still, I'm as insecure as an 11 year old bringing her first sanitary pad to school..

Hey Doc, my cravings come in a cycle.. Is this like normal?? I mean I know girls get PMS for certain periods of the month.. So does this include horniness?? Or am I like the only girl out of 7 who get this? Or is every other girl denying their craving??

This is my observation: 3 days before my mensus begins, my mind starts drowning in sexual thoughts. Until the day right before I get it, my thoughts were the dirtiest, most kinkiest and terribly unexpected from a girl like me.. And to stop thinking about it, I do stupid, physically- demanding stuff, like jogging, or scrubing, or skating, or swimming.. Anything to make me sweat.. And when the blood begins to flow, I start to slow down, feeling disgusted with my own mind and guilty with my thoughts... And so I resort to chocolates, especially dark chocolates with extremely high cocoa contents..

Pass the phase and I become human again.. The cycle continues.. This observation has been consistent for the past 3 months..

So Doc, should I continue like this??

I mean, it's relatively healthy, doncha think? It makes me work out, eat anti- aging agents like dark chocolates and makes me far more imaginative than I ever thot I could be..

Or is it abnormal and will have unknown side effects??

Thought this should be discussed in the next class.. Can't wait for the hols.. Starting to miss the class and of course, you, Doc...