ZzzZZZzZzz..

Hmm.. Nothing interesting happened lately.. Just that I decided to sit infront of my lappie, get addicted to the net and forget about cleaning up my room..

And the reason why I am cleaning up my room is because I'm moving into my hall!!! Fellow stalkers, take this down: Hall 2!!! Yea yeah.. I know u hall-ers are dying to get that hall, but lucky me.. So now I can wake up at 0845 and not be late!! (provided i don't bathe or change out of my PJs) The block and room number you'll have to figure out on your own..

Apparently, my parents aren't too excited.. Maybe it's because I'm the only member of the family other than my mommy who BOTHERS to do laundry, fold and press them and do the dishes.. So dear siblings, your on your own.. Muahahahaha.. Dun miss me ya..

Anw, as I already almost swore to myself to end clubbing-hood, a certain someone unexpectedly asked me out clubbing.. Still surprised that she did.. I can't mention who tho'.. For her, I'll do it.. Once in a lifetime chance..

And talking about clubbing, I did go on the 27th to MOS.. I swear, I'm soooooo fucking tired of clubbing there.. But that nite was great.. And Ellein took soo many photos.. Will load them up here one day.. Tho' i look drunk and sleepless in like.. ALL of them.. hahaha..

Anw, to Azlisyah, happy birthday! To all other January babies who're irritated I didn't wish you, GET OVER IT! haha..

k... I end here.. Ciao!

Ta Daa!

Things have been quite weird lately.. How fate switches sides, so subtly, yet so swiftly.. So things have been brewing in my head.. All sorts of things.. I can't seem to be able to stop pondering over EVERYTHING!

This week I had 2 presentations to make in class, Western Art History and 4D.. And I'm still dumbstrucked by how things worked out.. Maybe I should leave EVERYTHING last minute, and in that sheer stress I'll figure out something brilliant..

Western Art History, we had 1 week to prepare, to do research and a powerpoint presentation on Diego Velasquez's Las Meninas.. I only managed to put together my slides at 18 hours countdown, read and do a proper research 2 hours and edit my slides 5 minits prior to the presentation.. And that bitchy Donna (who gave me a C+ for last semester) actually gave me a huge satisfied grin and told me that I did very well for the presentation!

How the hell did that happen?

And this is better.. 4D.. My group had a week to prepare a bloody MISE EN SCENE! (mise en scene means putting into a scene in French, also meaning putting up a SET for a particular scene of a film)

People need months to prepare them.. So this miracle came like 15 minutes before our presentation.. 15 bloody minutes! We figured out some random shots we took and tried to COME UP with some meaning to relate the photos to our presentation and... TADAA!! Meridel (our 4D instructor) loved it!

I should feel blessed that one of the perks of being in an ARTS schools is that your work doesn't require a formulated thought process.. Otherwise, all these shortcuts and work-smart-not-hard concept won't apply..

PHEW! Anw, other weird things I saw this week..






And yeah.. I'm still deciding whether to go to MOS tomorrow night.. Ugh..

I intend to mention this maybe later when I'm ready, but heck it.. Recently, I've been out with someone rather monotonous and somewhat of a different generation.. It's been quite weird how I could adapt to him rather quickly.. It's actually confusing me even more because I still can't decide whether I still am stucked in YOUR world.. (You should know who you are)

And at every time I mention to you that I'm out with this new guy, I could feel you losing your grip on me, and mine on you.. I'm not too sure if I'll regret this one day, but I really want you to be happy.. If saddens you that I'm doing whatever I'm doing now, know that it plays continuously in my head too.. EVEN WHEN I'M WITH THIS NEW ONE..

All I hope is that you'll find love again from that ring around your finger.. Don't you even dare think that it's not possible.. What do you think I feel when I look at your photos? And wondering how you've been doing.. And worse, WHAT you've been doing.. Then again, I have no say do I?

It's pathetic to hear from people how I could give them so much happiness and yet, deep down, I feel so miserable and confused...

For all those trying to give me a sign, or hints, or whatever, do it now..

Please..

Dance like no one's watching..

Yesterday nite, something interesting happened:

I danced with my manager..

(And for those from my workplace who reads this blog, please pretend you didn't know he went to MOS last nite, 'cos I'm supposed to shut up.)

Yes, our only male manager who goes to MOS. Guess who. It's just so weird having him on my back (literally), holding me and dancing like that. But I guess both of us must have been real fucked up with our lives that we didn't care. And yeah, maybe the alcohol. Anyway, it was just fun. Why am I justifying myself??

I hate my conscience..

But it was crazy last nite, cos I have different friends at different clubs and different ends of each club.

So I was hopping around from MOS to the Clinic to Attica. Good thing that when I got my stamp from MOS (free), I could enter the Clinic too. And I learned something from this. Listen up if you're a clubber too..

Ok, I went to club with my classmates, Farah and Kat (and a couple of random guys who joined), and they had BAGS. What happened at MOS was, the bag deposit was FULL and my friends had to dance clutching their bags. So we waited for 1 hour hoping that probably, people will return for their bags and we could then deposit in their place, but if you look at the crowd last nite, you know it was impossible.

So we went to the Clinic to deposit the bags and it was like EMPTY!

So, remember, always get your entrance stamp at MOS and you can go anywhere else to deposit your bags.

I didn't realise I have such good dancers as friends. At MOS, Kat was amazing and Naz and his friend, Paul, were funky.. At the Clinic, Vidya was great and at Attica, Aidil was simply cool..

And they made me feel sexy (Oya and maybe because of the lacey and satin- lined top I was wearing too)..

But the trouble of having to run here and there to see my friends was quite annoying.. Maybe one day I should make them club together.. Then I can stay one place..

Frankly, after my many trips to MOS, I feel that MOS is a nice place to club, BUT it's not that HAPPENING, unlike Devil's bar, or Zouk or the old CHINABLACK. You can enjoy tho IF you have a corner to dance and great sporty friends who'll dance with you, but you'll never see people bar top dancing or having drinking games or simply having a WILD time. The Clinic was so-so, cos the place looked too CLEAN and the dancefloor was empty (not to mention the DJ sucked last nite). So when we dance, there were these guys who looked at us like vultures, but decor was great! And Attica is GREAT when you have a friend like Aidil around..

Funny how MOS could pull a crowd that huge..

People who were disappointing: Pak and Shafa, cos they didn't go! Naz had opening and he went. HECK! Farah had DRIVING lessons this morning and she went. Oya, and Zyzy and Zuki, cos I asked Zyzy to join me dancing at MOS and the CLINIC and she said she's "NOT IN THE MOOD" and "SOMETHING HAPPENED".. WTH!!! Why bloody club?

Another lesson learnt: Only club with PARTY PEOPLE..

So yeah, next dancing outing: 27 Jan, for Nura's and Joan's farewell.

Should I go? Or is all of this pointless?

"The branch that follows is always slenderer than the one before it."

2D class just now really oozed brain blood..

Dunno what's wrong with me..

I mean when you're hit in an accident, I'm sure you'll feel the pain like quite immediately or moments after the impact, but for me, WEEKS after the impact..

But more importantly, I didn't expect the healing to be this painful..

Excrutiating..

The more I think about it, the more bitter I get. Feeling even more ridiculous still staying in contact. I mean.. it's like when a girl dumps a guy and then tell him she want to stay close as friends. This is EXACTLY what I feel (in the dumped guy's perspective). The frustration of being close, but not close enough. I'm stucked.

Trapped.

I can't bear this closeness anymore. It's ridiculously superficial. I know I'm good at lying, but everyone has a breaking point. And mine is when I start lying to myself. I need to move on, but everytime I get to see you, or even hear your voice, the happiness is just too... painful, yet addictive...

The thought of not having you, but yet being tempted.

It's like having presented a diamond ring that I can't possibly afford, but become obsessed about. (And talking about diamonds, Blood Diamond is a movie not to be missed. An addition to my DVDs-to-get list..)

This happiness is like... having my heart in your hands with you gently stroking it.. with the edges of a saw..

In all this helplessness, I really feel like killing myself than having to have you in my thoughts every moment, only to realise you are just a fantasy. Now that I'm writing this, I realised I was the one asking for this. I was the one who let myself fall and the one who planned out a long- winded strategy for you to follow so that we can be together. Maybe this is all just a test of endurance, which I'm about to fail miserably. Maybe I should wait a lil' longer. Just a lil' while. Stay focus Yati! See the big picture, the light through that tunnel..

But just hearing your voice breaks me into pieces.. Puts me back to square one.. I hope you understand why I WANT to keep this distance. I need to keep my grip on sanity..

It's quite coincidental how the rain these days is in sync with my emotions, causing floods, land slides and road accidents.. Just as I was thinking about you the whole of Monday morning, I saw this right up the curb near to Canteen B:









The things this bitterness can do...


With that, I'll end with a poem that I fell in love with even before the related movie was made:

Ev'n here, where frozen chastity retires,
Love finds an altar for forbidden fires.
I ought to grieve, but cannot what I ought;
I mourn the lover, not lament the fault;
I view my crime, but kindle at the view,
Repent old pleasures, and solicit new;
Now turn'd to Heav'n, I weep my past offence,
Now think of thee, and curse my innocence.
Of all affliction taught a lover yet,
'Tis sure the hardest science to forget!
How shall I lose the sin, yet keep the sense,
And love th' offender, yet detest th' offence?

Quizzez!

Just visited Ain's blog and tried a quiz.. And Ain, I got the same result, a poet!

So I tried other quizzes.. Here are my results:

You Date Like a Man

According to studies on dating, you date like a man. You date casually and frequently, getting serious with select people over time. Physical attraction and chemistry is very important to you. And if there's nothing more than a physical connection, that's okay with you (at least for a while). You are definitely looking for love, but you are in no rush to find it. You figure love will eventually come your way, and you're not going to live like a monk while you're waiting!

Do You Date Like a Man or a Woman?

Who Should Paint You: Gustav Klimt

Sensual and gorgeous, you would inspire an enchanting portrait.. With just enough classic appeal to be hung in any museum!

What Artist Should Paint Your Portrait?

Your Kissing Purity Score: 29% Pure

You're not one to kiss and tell... But word is, you kiss pretty well.

Kissing Purity Test

Your Lust Quotient: 79%

You are a very lustful person - and it sometimes gets the better of you! You know how to hold back, but you hardly ever do.

How Much Lust Do You Have?

You Are Rum

You're the life of the party, and a total flirt You are also pretty picky about what you drink Only the finest labels and best mixed cocktails will do Except if you're dieting - then it's Diet Coke and Bicardi all the way

What Alcoholic Drink Are You?

You Are Modernism

You tend to be oriented toward the future and technology. You like art that signals how the world might change in radical ways. As far as art goes, everything in the past is obsolete - and it's time to carve a new path. You prefer art that doesn't follow any rules - even if the art doesn't make much sense.

What Art Movement Are You?

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace. You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions. You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected. It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional. You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others. While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well. At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything. You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams. You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.

What Temperment Are You?

You Are Lightning

Beautiful yet dangerous People will stop and watch you when you appear Even though you're capable of random violence You are best known for: your power Your dominant state: performing

What Type of Weather Are You?

You Are 38% Feminine, 62% Masculine

You are in touch with your masculine side. You are not overly sensitive and not easily moved. Occasionally, though, something will get through and touch your heart!

Are You Masculine or Feminine?

You Are Smokin' Hot

You're a terrible flirt, a sharp dresser, and a party animal. Of course, you're totally sizzling too. And for you, being hot just comes naturally.

Are You Hot?

What Your Underwear Says About You

When you're bad, you're very bad. And when you're good, you're still trouble! You're a closet exhibitionist who gets a thrill from being secretly naughty.

The Underwear Oracle

You Are Homer Simpson

You're just an ordinary, all-American working Joe... With a special fondness for pork rinds and donuts. You will be remembered for: your little "isms" and philosophies on life Your life philosophy: "Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel."

The Simpsons Personality Test

Your Hidden Talent

Your natural talent is interpersonal relations and dealing with people. You communicate well and are able to bring disparate groups together. Your calming presence helps everything go more smoothly. People crave your praise and complements.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

Your Eyes Should Be Violet

Your eyes reflect: Mystery and allure What's hidden behind your eyes: A quiet passion

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

Grab n Go!

Since school started, life's put back into routine.. Homework already given at the first week.. Bitch! Tho' I must admit, I did miss it.. Especially drawing class when we sketch nude models.. And make fun of our cute instructor, Hans a.k.a. Pooh.. And yeah.. More zoo trips this sem! Yeay!!







Oya, did I forget to mention I have a 4 day week? Muahahahahaha..

So clubbin on Thursday night, work on Friday and Saturday, and on Sunday, laze!

Life's a bliss..

But it seems we're learning much more this semester. Past 4 days of school has been mentally draining, really. I go back home and could sleep forever. And I know it's not the weather. Seriously, we're actually using our brains this time. Alot more philysophical stuff like semiotics and 'be influenced but not controlled', kinda shit..

And I'm loving it.. (For now that is)

Happiness

After all this heartache, I realise, I've never been happier single. That I wasted my holidays thinking about men, who not only complicated my life, but belittled me. A point of time, quite recently, did I get so scared of losing my singlehood. How it was threatened by love. Yes, scared. How so dear it was to me to lose it.

On Saturday, met up with Lonerz and bought new thongs (another happiness! Now, I just need a new bra!). Seeing their faces again made my day. It's amazing how we are not close, yet we understand each other so deeply. That we do not need to see each other everyday to speak a thousand words. It's amazing how we can hold such friendships so.. independently. And for 7 years! Never been happier to see them. Made me forget about all this craziness with men and work.

Oya.. Even Pak mentioned this.. Was chatting with him on MSN and he said that sometimes the closest of friends couldn't even tell our thoughts..

Maybe distance is good..

It gives time for us to love ourselves and heal..

How silly I've been all this while..